


Be My Escape

by AlternativeUniverses (Lashtonisall)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But also, Fluff, Give a little, High School, High School AU, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sad! Castiel, Self Harm, Sweet! Dean, Take a little, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, human! castiel, misinterpretation, self doubt, self hate, so i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4125559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lashtonisall/pseuds/AlternativeUniverses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixteen year old Sophomore, Dean Winchester, doesn't understand why he has to go to school. His career of choice, hunting, doesn't require an education, and he resents his father, John, for forcing one on him. That is, until he catches the crystal blue eyes in the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>Seventeen year old Senior, Castiel Novak, doesn't want to be alive. He has nothing and no one to live for after his boyfriend, Michael, leaves him for someone new. But things start to look up after he bumps into someone's (a <i> gorgeous </i> someone, he might add) rock hard chest in the school hallway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Blending In So You Won't Even Know Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This was a monster to write, and it's completely un-beta'd, so please forgive my mistakes! The setting of this story is very important, as the age of consent in the US differs between states. At the times this was written, the age of consent in Minnesota was sixteen, thus all activity taking places in this work of fiction are completely legal. If you are easily triggered by mentions of self harm, please do NOT read this fic. Also, just as a disclaimer, I don't own Supernatural, nor the characters in this story.
> 
> Fic Title comes from Be My Escape by Relient K

“Do I really have to go to school?” Dean whined for the tenth time that night. John Winchester and his two boys, Sam and Dean, were in yet another town in Southern Minnesota for one of John’s hunts. Dean wasn’t entirely sure what it was this time around. Maybe vampires? No, that was the last one. Dean racked his brain, trying to come up with the target of this particular escapade. 

“Dean, you know you do. Just because hunting doesn’t require a diploma doesn’t mean that your education isn’t important. Besides, we’re only here until I can figure out who the spirit was, and burn the remains,” the older Winchester lightly reprimanded. Spirit, Dean thought, that’s what the focus of the current hunt was. Dean sighed, knowing he had lost the argument, yet again. It was only for a few weeks though, Dean could stick it out. He was tough.

“Fine,” Dean gave, throwing his duffel bag down on the hotel bed him and Sammy would be sharing for the extent of their stay in the small town.

 

 

**_*BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *_ **

 

 

The stares would we overwhelming if Dean and Sam weren’t used to it by now. After all, if there’s one thing that’s consistent about being the new kid in high school, it was that everyone wants to get a peek at you. Even when it was the first day of the school year and everyone is consumed with greeting the friends they’ve only seen sparsely over the not quite long enough summer, it was still easy to pick them out of the crowd, with the air of difference surrounding the two boys. “Remember Sammy, if anybody gives you shit, you come to me right away, got it?” a teacher glared at Dean as she passed, presumably for his use of vulgar language, and Dean shot the about thirty year old woman a wink. 

“Dean, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s Sam,” the younger Winchester huffed, puffing his chest out to display his maturity.

“Yeah, whatever you say, Sammy,” Dean scoffed at his little brother. The way he sees it, it didn’t matter how old or big his brother became. He would always be little Sammy to Dean. Sam rolled his eyes at his older brother, and walked off in the direction of the Junior High half of the school. Dean shrugged to himself, if Sam wanted to act grown up, he could be Dean’s guest. But Dean knew he still slept with a night light.

The thought made Dean chuckle as he strolled towards his locker and threw his bag inside. He grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper. After all, it was the first day of his Junior year, the boy thought. He might as well put a little effort in, at least for today. Dean slammed his locker shut and surveyed the hallway he was standing in. He had about ten minutes until class, which meant he had time to try and find the source of the delicious thing he smelled in the air. I bet they serve breakfast at this school, Dean thought to himself as he set off in the direction of the cafeteria. 

He had to push his way through the crowd, but that wasn’t much of a challenge with Dean’s stature and the thick muscle he carried from the training his father had committed him and Sammy to. Finding himself at his destination, the school lunchroom, the mouth watering aroma Dean had smelled earlier increased ten fold. Looking up from where he was staring into blank space, Dean spotted the source of the glorious smell. Bacon. Of course the school cafeteria would serve bacon for breakfast. Maybe Dean wouldn’t be so eager to get out of this place. Especially if they served breakfast like this every day.

Dean walked over to the serving area and grabbed a tray, placing about ten pieces of bacon on it, paid for his meat and scarfed it down. He put his now empty tray in the basin set out for used dishes and made his way back out of the cafeteria and into the adjacent hallway. Dean drifted off into his thoughts as he walked. How long would they be here? Would Sammy be okay here? God, he hoped so. Suddenly Dean was pulled out of his thinking by a heavy weight crashing into his chest.

“ _Hey_ , watch where you’re-” Dean’s words cut off abruptly as he stared into crystal blue eyes, the most beautiful he had ever seen. 

“Please excuse me. I was not paying appropriate attention to my movement,” the owner of the beautiful eyes said, casting them down and away, as if embarrassed by his running into the Winchester, then back up to Dean’s face, making piercing eye contact.

“It-it’s fine,” Dean stuttered out. Jesus Dean, pull yourself together, he thought. “I, um, I’m Dean Winchester.”

“I am well aware,” the gorgeous creature spoke. “You are new. I am Castiel Novak, and am pleased to meet you, Dean Winchester.”

“Yeah, um, me too. I mean, you too. I mean, uh, it’s nice to meet you. Castiel,” Dean stuttered his way through his reply, combing his eyes over the other boy’s features. His tousled dark locks, his piercing crystal blue eyes, his chiseled jaw, and the very tops of his collar bones where they jutted out of his white button down shirt, the first couple of buttons undone, and covered by a tan trench coat, sleeves pulled up to his elbows. He was incredibly attractive, and who was Dean not to appreciate beauty when he saw it?

The other boy, Castiel, tugged at his collar, flushing under Dean’s intense gaze. Dean then looked back to the face of the exquisite specimen in front of him. Finding the other boy’s eyes again, Dean engaged his own with them in a heated stare. They stood, eyes locked, for what seemed simultaneously like an eternity and a matter of seconds. Suddenly, Dean was jolted by a ringing sound he recognized as the first period bell. “Crap,” Dean muttered, “I’ve gotta go. I’ll- I’ll see you around?” he wondered aloud.

“Until next time, Dean Winchester,” Castiel uttered softly, slowly walking past Dean, but keeping his eyes on the boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves, because next chapter we're in for some deep shit.


	2. Apart From This Sorrow That Shares My Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend you hanker down in some nice fluffy blankets before diving into this chapter, it will tear you apart, limb from limb. You have been forewarned.

 

One day, Castiel thought. One day until he started his Senior year of high school, and all he had to show for the last three years was a failed relationship. There was no doubt about it, Castiel had loved Michael more than he had ever loved another person before. And he was lying if he said it didn’t hurt when Michael had left him for the other boy, Lucifer.

It had left Cas shattered. After Michael had broken it off in early July, Castiel didn’t get out of bed for weeks. Those weeks had been the worst time of Cas’s entire life, filled with anger and hurt, depression and self deprecation, and his self worth had fallen to an all time low. And then, at the end of July, the **thing** had happened.

Castiel hadn’t meant for it to happen. Really, it just, sort of, did. He had rolled over, eyes red rimmed from his constant crying, and spotted the manual pencil sharpener laying on his desk, next to his jar of sharply pointed pencils, used for school work. Suddenly, something in Castiel had sparked and caught fire. He tore the comforter off of his boxer and tee shirt clad body, and lurched toward the medium sized desk.

Cas ripped open the drawer and began to rummage around, knowing exactly what he was looking for. Finally, he found the small tool, a tiny phillips headed screwdriver. Castiel grabbed the sharpener off of his desktop and unscrewed one blade from its holdings. Picking up the small blade from where it had fallen on the carpet, Castiel turned it over in his hand a couple of times, working up his nerve. He rucked his shirt up at his hip, deciding that it was a fairly inconspicuous place, out of the way of prying eyes. Cas thumbed over the place where his hip bone barely jutted out, before recklessly tearing into the skin. Once he had started, it was like Castiel had opened a floodgate. He sat on his floor for what felt like years, shredding skin.

 _It’s all your fault_ , Cas thought, _your fault Michael left_. _You made him leave, just like you made Dad leave_. _You’re such a worthless piece of shit, Castiel. You’re garbage._ His slashes became deeper with every thought. _Everyone leaves you, no one wants you. You’re trash. Too fat, too ugly, too stupid._ Cas was bawling now, upwards of twenty slashes on his hip. _What made you think you could ever be good enough for him, Castiel? You’re not good enough for anyone. You’re not good enough to live, you don’t deserve to live, you deserve to die. A horrible, long, painful death. You should just **kill yourself,** Castiel._

Startled by his own thoughts, the blade slipped out of Castiel’s hand. He looked down at his hip, the skin looking like it had been send through a paper shredder, and blood oozing from the lacerations. Abruptly, Castiel let out an animalistic scream, glad that no one was home to hear his wailing, his mother off to work, leaving her only son alone. Cas screamed and wailed and sobbed until his voice was so wrecked it hurt to breathe.

Castiel had become accustomed to that feeling over the past weeks, though. Since Michael left him, everything hurt. That had been what tore Michael from him in the first place. Castiel depended on his boyfriend for everything. He had expected Michael to spend time with him, foolishly thinking that the other boy enjoyed Castiel’s company as much as Cas basked in Michael presence. When Michael had broken up with Castiel over the phone, he had said that Cas was too “needy”, too “dependent” upon Michael. And he was right, Castiel had never been much of an independent person. His neediness drove everyone away.

Castiel made a pact with himself then and there. He would be independent. He would rely on himself. He would stay alone. He had to handle the world on his own. And now here he was, the day before high school resumed one final time. Castiel could make it through this year. And he would do it on his own, by himself.

 

 

 

 

  
**_*BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *_**  


 

 

 

The first thing Castiel thought when he ran into the new boy, Dean Winchester he recalled, was, “He’s beautiful”.

“Hey, watch where you’re” the boy looked up and stopped speaking as he saw Castiel’s face, and Castiel felt instant shame. The boy was so repulsed by him that he had stopped speaking.

“Please excuse me, I was not paying appropriate attention to my movement,” Castiel spoke, hoping that he could redeem himself to this gorgeous boy, and perhaps at least befriend him. He cast his face downwards to hide the hideousness of it from the boy, hoping to convince him that Castiel’s wit could be worth putting up with everything wrong with him. However, he had to look back up and gauge the beauty’s reaction to him.

“It-It’s fine,” the boy, Dean, Castiel knew, as he was the only person in the high school that Castiel didn’t already know. “I, um, I’m Dean Winchester,” the boy continued, not quite grossed out enough to leave Castiel without a proper introduction.

“I am well aware,” Castiel regretted the words as soon as they had left his mouth, knowing that he had now come off as not only clingy and needy, but also creepy and stalker like. “You are new. I am Castiel Novak, and am pleased to meet you, Dean Winchester,” the blue eyed Senior hoped that the polite words could remedy his previous statement.

“Yeah, um, me too. I mean, you too. I mean, uh, it’s nice to meet you. Castiel,” Dean gave Castiel, and praise the Lord, if that stuttering wasn’t the single most attractive thing that Castiel had heard in his lifetime. Castiel noticed the other boy’s gaze directed at his features, and flushed as he imagined what could be running through Dean’s head. Among Castiel’s imagination of the Winchester’s thoughts were the words “pig”, “garbage”, and “repulsive”.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts of the boy that he hardly noted the bell until Dean spoke. “Crap,” the latter exhaled, “I’ve gotta go. I’ll-I’ll see you around?” the boy sounding, almost, nervous? Was he nervous to see Castiel again, afraid that he couldn’t keep up the polite charade and his reputation would be tarnished? Laughing mentally, Castiel thought, if only he knew that no such thing would happen from denying one as ugly as Castiel to witness the glory that was Dean Winchester. However, if Dean was willing to look at him, put up with him, then Castiel would gladly oblige.

“Until next time, Dean Winchester,” Castiel uttered softly, slowly walking past Dean, but keeping his eyes on the boy, not wanting to take him eyes off of the glorious sight of him. Castiel reluctantly yeaded to him first period Calculus class, knowing that he would be reprimanded for being late, but also knowing that it was worth it, to be able to gaze upon that boy.


	3. I'm Begging You To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this babe your reward for making it past the mess that is chapter two

As the final bell rang signaling the end of the school day, Dean practically jumped up out of his seat. He hadn’t seen the boy with the gorgeous eyes all day, and he was raring to meet him again before he had to go home for the day.

As Dean searched the hallway for the angel like man he had run into that morning, his mind drifted to when he had complained about starting at this school the night before, and man, was he glad his Dad had held his stance. He wouldn’t have met the boy he was now pining after, otherwise. Suddenly, Dean caught a glimpse of the dark, tousled hair he had been thinking about all day. 

“Castiel!” Dean attempted to shout over the bustle of students eager to get to wherever they were headed. He had obviously succeeded, as his boy’s shoulders rose rose their previous sagging positions Which, speaking of, why were Castiel’s shoulders sagging, almost as if he were carrying something to heavy for himself to support? Cas’s face lifted from staring at the floor to looking straight ahead, and he cocked one eyebrow endearingly.

“Over here!” Dean shouted again, and his boy’s features seemed to light up at the sight of Dean. That was a sign of reciprocated interest if the Winchester had ever seen one, and trust him, he had seen and received more than his fair share. 

“Dean,” Castiel greeted, his features conveying a soft mixture of “happy” and “welcome”. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean loped up to his boy, and Jesus, Dean, stop referring to him as your boy, at least until he officially is. Dean smiled softly down at Castiel. Even though Cas was a few months older than Dean, being a younger Senior to Dean’s older Junior, Dean was still a good couple inches taller than the boy. Dean imagined how Cas might have to reach up on his tiptoes to give him a kiss, and the thought made Dean’s smile stretch even wider.

Slow down Dean, the Junior told himself. Court first, kiss later. Cas suddenly looked at Dean with wide, questioning eyes, as though waiting for an answer to a question Dean hadn’t heard. Dean cocked an eyebrow and asked casually, “What was that?”. 

Castiel took up a sudden interest in either his shoes or the floor, as he looked down and away from the younger boy, “Oh, um, nothing,” Cas muttered shyly, as if embarrassed. 

“Really Castiel, what did you ask? I didn’t hear you, you’ve such a cute little mouse voice,” Dean prodded before he realized what he had let slip.

“You think my voice is cute?” Castiel stared up at Dean with cow eyes as his cheeks began to burn. Dean stopped Castiel in the middle of his stride, and turned to face him. 

“Cas, I think all of you is cute,” Dean whispered to the boy, moving his face closer to Castiel’s as he felt a heat begin to bloom in his own cheeks. The feeling was so foreign to Dean, he was used to be up close and personal, making innuendos and the likes. But with Cas, something was different. It was like he cared about Castiel as more than just some fling.

And then it hit Dean that, yeah, he did care about this boy as more than a fling. He actually wanted to make a go of it with the boy standing in front of him, and hell if that didn’t scare the shit out of him. Dean turned back to face forward as the crowd of students dissipated, and held his hand out to Castiel, a rather intimate gesture for Dean.

“C’mon, where’s your locker?” Dean asked, and Cas began to lead the way, tugging Dean along by his hand and still flushing lightly. If Dean was being honest with himself, he loved that he had this effect on Cas, was able to make him blush with just a few words. Cas stopped tugging Dean along as they reached his locker, which he quickly clicked open, gathering the supplies he needed to take home and shoving it all in his bag. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know a good burger joint in town, would you, Cas?” Dean hinted, hoping that Castiel would pick up on it. 

“Oh yeah, there’s Harvelle’s up on Main and Seventh. You know how to get there, right?” Castiel told Dean, oblivious as ever. Dean thought about his next move briefly.

“Um, no, actually. Think you could direct me there?” Dean prodded further.

“Oh yeah, sure,” a smile spread across Dean’s face, thinking that Cas finally understood his intentions. “You take a right out of the parking lot and then-“

“Cas,” Dean started as he brought his hand up to cup Castiel’s cheek, “that’s not what I mean. I want you to direct me, in the car, while I’m driving..” Dean trailed off and looked up at Castiel through his eyelashes, imploringly. 

“It’s really not that complicated, Dean. I can write them down for you?” Castiel furrowed his brow, not understanding Dean’s apprehension to his verbal directions.

“I want to take you on a date, Cas!” Dean finally stated, almost shouting. Castiel’s eyes grew huge as he tried to process this new information.

“You.. want.. with me? Date? You and me?” Castiel stammered, “Wow. I mean, yes. Wow.” Dean let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and pressing his forehead against Castiel’s locker.

He had never been so nervous about simply asking someone on a date before. What was this boy doing to Dean? Whatever it was, it made Dean feel ridiculous, like he was asking Cas to his sixth grade dance. 

“Thank God,” Dean sighed, a euphoric smile settling over his face. “I have to drive my little brother home first, but we can leave straight from there.”

“Okay,” Castiel giggled a little, and this boy just keeps getting cuter.


	4. And That Might Be The Death Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have a couple people to thank for helping to get this chapter cranked out.  
> My little brother, without whose pestering for another chapter, I might not have even started this one,  
> My best friend, BubblesOfMusic23, who helped me get through the headache of trying to find a posting schedule,  
> And last but certainly not least, SLunne, whose comment drove me to post this now and not tomorrow when I wake up from my mild lack-of-sleep coma. 
> 
> Item number two on the agenda, said posting schedule. I'll be posting updates for this story every other day (hopefully). The story's looking like it's going to be between 15 and 20 chapters, which means about a month of waiting for my lazy ass. Sorry, in advance.  
> So, without further ado, here is the load of fluff.

Sammy was already waiting for Dean for him and Cas pulled the Impala up to the Junior High doors. “It took you long enough,” Sam started as he approached the car, not noticing the already occupied seat until he had the passenger door open and looked up.

“Oh, um, I guess I’ll.. sit in the back?” the younger Winchester closed the front door and opened the door behind the stranger, noting the expression on his brother’s face as he glanced at the boy in the passenger seat.

“Cas, meet Sammy, my baby brother. Sammy, this is Castiel,” Dean ran through the couple of quick introductions while pulling out of the school’s driveway and turning left, towards the motel that was the temporary Winchester residence. Pulling up to the curb, Dean handed the motel key to Sam.

“Alright, you have my cell number, there’s leftover pizza in the fridge for dinner, do your homework, and don’t open the door for anyone, got it?”

Dean watched in the rearview mirror as his younger brother rolled his eyes. “I’m thirteen, Dean. I think I can take care of my self for a couple of hours,” Sam told his brother, exasperated at being treated like a child yet again.

“I know you can, Sammy. I just.. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you,” Dean let out, his brow creased with genuine concern for the youngest Winchester.

“I know, Dean. Thanks,” Sam accepted Dean’s worry, opening his car door and climbing out of the Impala.

As Sam safely locked the motel door behind him, Dean looked over at Castiel, who had a small almost secret smile threatening to take over his features. “What?” Dean implored, chuckling lightly.

“You’re so sweet with him,” Castiel mentioned, “it’s endearing.” Dean focused his gaze on the road ahead of him, trying to force away the heat he felt culminating near his cheekbones.

“So, this burger place. Harvelle’s?” Dean changed the topic swiftly as he passed the school again.

“Yeah. You keep going straight, then left at the light, that’s Main street, and it will be on your right,” Castiel directed as Dean followed his instructions. Soon they pulled into the lot of a roadhouse styled building, and Dean eased his baby to a stop.

He quickly pulled the key out the ignition, got out of his beloved car, and rushed around to Castiel’s side to open the door for him. Dean wasn’t entirely sure what had come over him, but he knew that he wanted to be the perfect gentleman for Cas, the kind of man he deserved.

The Winchester smiled softly as he helped his boy out of his Impala, and placed his hand in Castiel’s as they walked, interlocking their fingers. His angel smiled up at Dean, the perfect picture of grace and beauty.

As they walked through the door of the joint, they were greeted by a woman in her forties, blond hair beginning to gray. “Table for two, please,” Dean requested.

“Sure thing, hon,” the hostess replied, grabbing two menus and two sets of silverware. “Good to see you again, Cas,” the woman, Ellen, her name tag read, directed towards Castiel, with a nod in his direction.

“You as well, Ellen,” Castiel let out, a hint of relief in his voice that raised questions in Dean. Why was Cas relieved by a such simple greeting? Ellen had made it sounds like she knew Castiel fairly well, that probably had something to do with it. Dean made a mental note to ask the boy about it later.

“Right this way,” Ellen said as she nodded to the restaurant looking side, as opposed to the left wing of the joint, which resembled a kind of bar. Following the hostess, they moved past the first few tables in the place towards the back windows.

“This one alright?” Ellen implored of Dean and Castiel, who nodded and gave their approval of the seating. Ellen set down the menus and bundles of silverware wrapped in napkins, and moved to the side of the table. “Can I get you gentlemen something to drink?” she asked.

“I’ll have a coke,” Dean began, and then waited for Castiel to state his own order.

“I should like a water,” Cas stated, looking down at the table in front of him, and then up at Ellen.

“Sure thing, be right out,” Ellen walked through a door, back into the kitchen.

Before long she returned, two glasses in tow. “There you are, boys,” she said, “your waitress'll be right with you.”

“So what’s good here?” Dean asked Cas as he twisted his lips up into a smirk. Castiel’s eyelashes brushed his magnificent cheekbones once before his gorgeous blue orbs were on Dean once again. Castiel’s brow furrowed as he seemed to put thought into the question.

“I must admit, I am somewhat biased. I have always ordered the bacon cheeseburger,” Cas finally answered.

Dean chuckled light heartedly, “A man after my own heart,” he told Castiel as a reply to the eyebrow that was raised in his direction.

Cas flushed at Dean’s comment, and how endearingly cheeky the younger boy was. A half laugh half giggle sound escaped Castiel’s mouth. Dean pondered the merits of leaning forward and capturing Cas’s lips in a chaste embrace but decided against it. He would wait, he would give Cas the perfect first date.

Not long after the blue eyed boy’s sounds of joy had pattered to a close, Dean watching him with a dreamy and contented smile on his face, a waitress sidled up to their table.

Neither boy noticed until she spoke, too lost in the other’s, well, everything. “My name is Jo, and I’ll be your server tonight,” the blond girl stated. “Are you two ready to order?”

“I think so,” Dean looked to Castiel for approval, which was granted in the form of a tiny nod of Cas’s head, before continuing, “Um, we’ll both have the bacon cheeseburger.” Dean finished.

He hoped that his date wouldn’t mind Dean ordering for him. His worry dissipated as Castiel’s smile only grew, and the two stacked their menus before passing them to the girl, Jo.

 

 

 

* * *

 

***BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE ***

* * *

 

 

 

After their food arrived, Castiel and Dean had eaten between bouts of small talk and banter.

Dean deemed that Castiel had been right about the place, as his burger was one of the best the Winchester had ever had. And that’s saying quite a bit, considering that Dean ate burgers almost everywhere the Winchester family traveled.

After Castiel and Dean were finished eating, Dean walked the older boy back out to the Impala, opening the passenger side door and closing it once Cas was safely tucked inside the vehicle. Dean then walked around to the driver side, got into the car, and started the engine.

Rubbing his neck nervously, Dean informed Castiel that he would need directions to the boy’s house. They drove and talked as Castiel gave directions and Dean’s classic rock cassette played in the background through his Impala’s speaker system.

“I understand how you would come to that conclusion. The language is very different from what English has been adapted into and the humorous aspects could be considered lacking compared to popular literature today,” Castiel defended Romeo and Juliet, one of his most beloved plays.

“Turn right. However, for it’s time period-“ Cas cut himself off abruptly as the opening chords of a song rang out in the Impala.

Dean recognized it as REO Speedwagon’s Can’t Fight This Feeling, and Castiel’s red complexion suddenly made sense to the younger boy. Dean’s own cheeks heated, although not as wildly as the boy riding shotgun.

A hand belonging to the driver carefully crept towards one of the blue eyed boy’s own, and slowly grasped the small paw. As Castiel interlocked their fingers, Dean felt his heart begin to beat erratically against his chest as more heat rose to his face, matching his color to that of the other boy.

He glanced at Cas, making the choice to follow through with his plan as he noted the wide smile and the happiness showing through beautiful blue eyes surrounded by crinkles.

Dean began to softly sing along with the tune, “and even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight,” Dean knew that, even as he grew and begun to embark on hunts with his dad, and eventually his own hunts, he would remember the first boy he had shared actual intimacy with, not only sexual connections.

“You’re a candle in the window on a cold dark winter’s night,” the heat in Dean’s cheeks died down, but the pink tinge stayed ever present over Castiel’s features.

Dean’s singing died off as he attempted to split his attention between not crashing his car and not wanting to tear his vision away from Castiel, knowing that the boy would be departing soon. “Here. That blue one,” Castiel directed, and Dean pulled up in front of the modest two story home.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Dean half suggested, half told Cas, who had no objections. Dean opened Cas’s door yet again and took his time walking Castiel up to the front door of his home. As they climbed the steps, Dean gave a squeeze to the Cas’s hand, which seemed to be perpetually interlocked with Dean’s own paw.

The Winchester placed his hand lightly on Castiel’s cheek and turned the boy towards him. Dean took a step closer to Cas and looked into the pair of gorgeous blue eyes, before gradually moving his own face closer to Castiel’s.

Dean felt a jolt of electricity as his lips slowly brushed across the older boy’s. It was like his first kiss all over again, only better. Because this time it was with Castiel.

Dean rested his forehead against Cas’s as he pulled back, breathing heavily even though the kiss had only lasted upwards of a minute. “Wow,” Dean breathed. “That was-“

“Perfect,” Cas finished for him. “That was perfect, Dean. I was almost beginning to think that you did not wish to kiss me.”

“That’s impossible, Cas. I’ve wanted to kiss you since the moment I laid my eyes on you,” Dean made the admission without shame, euphoric from being around, and getting to kiss this magnificent creature named Castiel.

Cas leaned up on his tiptoes to give Dean one more chaste peck, before opening his door. He turned back towards Dean one last time.

“Goodnight, Dean Winchester. Thank you,” Castiel spoke before walking inside his house and closing the door.

“Goodnight Cas,” Dean whispered, before he departed. He drove home with a wide smile sitting upon his face and his cell phone in his pocket, feeling heavy as Dean thought of the most recent number he had typed into his contact book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have some more Castiel POV, as well as Dean POV. 
> 
> Leave me some comments with constructive criticism, what you think so far, or really anything you feel like.


	5. I've Given Up On Doing This Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this is so late. I haven't had WiFi for the past few days (I barely survived). 
> 
> This is the last time I'll be including Cas's POV. However, I will be integrating more of his thoughts and feelings into the main story line, as Dean gets to know Cas better and become more perceptive to him. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's reading, leaving Kudos, and commenting on this story! I have yet to read a comment that hasn't put a smile on my face and made me want to write more for this story.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!

As soon as he heard Dean’s Impala pull away, Castiel threw his back against the front door and sank to the floor and began to cry.

 

_09/01                                   Monday_

_Dear Diary, There was a new boy at school. His name is Dean Winchester. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen._

He ran into me in the hallway as I was en route to class. He began to berate me for running into him, rightly so.

However, when he looked up at my face, he was so overcome with disgust at me that it halted his speech. I was foolish, thinking that the experience would be the worst part of the day. Alas, it was not.

He pitied me so much that he decided he would attempt to ease my horrible existence by way of a public outing. Can you believe that? He sacrificed his public reputation by letting himself be seen with a disgusting larvae such as myself. All in the name of good heartedness and charity.

It would have been far more than sufficient charity work to take me to dinner, and even pay for my meal. He then walked me to the door and placed his lips upon mine. He kissed me.

I can only imagine how many times he must have regretted his actions by now. However, I must confess. I let myself enjoy it. I even let myself ponder what might have happened if the date had been real.

I know it is impossible. The boy surrounds himself with all beautiful things. A beautiful car, a beautiful younger brother. I stand no chance. 

_Castiel_

 

 

By now, the book was so spotted with tears that the writing was hardly legible. Not that Castiel’s hysterical handwriting had been very legible in the first place, his hand shaking with sorrow and the longing for all of it to be real.

As Cas drew a blade out of his desk drawer and hiked his shirt up, he paid no attention to the new contact Dean had added to his iPhone as he had gone to the restroom and the text message he had received from a number claiming to be “Dean <3”, coaxing himself out of the stupidity of the illusion that the boy actually cared about him.

 

 

 

 

* * *

_***BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *** _

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

“How was your date?” Sam drew out the last word and batted his eyes. Under normal circumstance, Dean would tell him something along the lines of “No chick flick moments, bitch.”. But this wasn’t a normal circumstance.

This was Castiel fucking Novak, who, speaking of which, Dean hadn’t even thought about fucking. Normally, that was all the older Winchester brother want from anyone outside of his family, no matter what gender. Jesus, what was Cas doing to him?

Dean started to utter a snarky comment, but was unable to hold down the chin-splitting smile that now covered his face. “Mrrgh, shurt urp, bitch,” Dean shot Sam instead.

“Oh. Wow, Dean. You’re really into this guy,” Sam caught on, ignoring Dean’s statement and the inevitable insult.

The older brother raised his head. “No shit, Captain Obvious,” Dean remarked, in typical fashion.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Sam asked. If either of the Winchester brothers was to be considered serious, it’d be the younger brother.

“Exactly what I’m doing. I’m going to court him properly, and hopefully, make him my boyfriend,” Dean laid out the plan he had set and was currently in the midst of. The straight forward and serious reply shocked Sam into silence, jaw falling open.

Before a long amount of time, Sam snapped out of it and clamped mouth shut. The young Winchester raised an eyebrow, as if to say “are you sure?”, and Dean didn’t even have to think.

“Yes, Sammy. I’m serious. I might try for an actual future, as long as it included him,” Dean confided in Sam, before rolling over in his motel bed and facing the wall. He sent a simple “Goodnight” to the number he had saved as “Angel Eyes <3” and drifting off to sleep, dreaming of crystal water springs blue eyes, and dark tousled locks, and the only person he would share an apple pie with.


	6. Cause I've Failed And I'm Ready To Be Shown How

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch.

Dean was confused, to say the least. He rolled out of bed Friday morning and checked his phone for the fifty-second time (and no, he _was not_ keeping track) since Tuesday morning.

He hadn’t received one reply from Castiel. Dean was very confused. It wasn’t like Dean couldn’t take rejection. He could, and he had before. There was just something off about Cas’s lack of communication.

If it hadn’t been for the little grey text conveying that his messages had been read, Dean might of guessed that his texts weren’t going through. But they were. Which lead Dean to another question.

Why was Castiel ignoring him? Cas has seemed interested in pursuing something with Dean. He hadn’t shown any signs of rejection. Even when Dean kissed him, he reacted pretty enthusiastically, kissing the Winchester back, and even initiating a chaste peck of his own, however small.

The first day hadn’t been that big of a deal. Maybe Cas was just busy? It wasn’t like his life had just begun when Dean met him. By the second day, Dean had to put effort into not letting it get to him.

Okay, so Castiel was wrapped up in his own life. He couldn’t take two seconds to send Dean a “yeah, I had fun too,”? Or at least a “hey”? Thursday had been nerve wracking.

At this point, Dean had sent Cas a total of five messages. The goodnight text on Monday night after the date, followed up by a good morning on Tuesday. A “this is Dean, fyi” message Tuesday after school, in case the contact hadn’t saved correctly, a good morning on Wednesday and a simple “what’s up” Wednesday night.

Dean was starting to feel like a pest. Was Castiel just pretending to like Dean, taking pity on him because he was new? Did the blue eyed boy come to his senses and realize that he was too good for Dean?

Waking up Friday morning, the curiosity was killing the older Winchester brother. He had to find out what was going on with Cas. So, as he readied himself for the school day, he formulated a plan of action. He would get Castiel to talk to him, even if it wasn’t over text message.

 

 

 

* * *

**_*BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *_**

* * *

 

 

 

School went about as well as it ever did for Dean. Tests, teachers, coursework, homework. It was all just one big headache to the boy.

However, one thing made this Friday better than any other school day. He was racing towards the finish line, that final bell, and getting to talk to Castiel. Dean went to his locker and quickly collected the materials he would need over the weekend, before racing towards where he knew a certain Novak’s locker was.

The only problem was that Cas wasn’t there. Dean waited about ten minutes until the hallway was nearly empty, then paced out to the parking lot. Getting into his car, Dean knew what his back up plan would be.

Dean threw his baby into drive, before speeding out of the lot and toward the Novak residence. About halfway to his destination, he noticed a dark haired boy walking down the side walk.Dean pulled the Impala up next to the boy as he rolled the passenger side window down.

“Hey,” Dean started, “you need a ride?” Castiel looked startled to say the least. “I think where you’re going’s on my way, anyways” Dean said when Cas made no move either toward the car or to keep walking.

“Dean?” Cas question, surprised to find the Junior and wondering exactly what he was doing. Castiel voiced his thoughts with a “where are you going?”.

“To see a boy,” as the words came out of Dean’s mouth, Cas visibly deflated, piquing his curiosity. “He’s really gorgeous, crystal blue eyes, fantastically dark hair, and the sexiest little bit of stubble,” Dean continued.

Castiel’s brow furrowed, wondering why the description sounded so much like himself. Did Dean really have that specific of a type?

“So, are you coming?” the boy implored after a few more moments.

“Why would I come with you to see another boy?” Cas asked, confused and slightly upset that Dean would even suggest such a thing.

His confusion heightened even more when Dean began to chuckled at him, and he could feel the anger stirring in the pit of his stomach. Why was Dean making a joke of him like this? Did he honestly deserve this treatment?

Dean began to speak again. “You’re funny,” he said, “Now c’mon. Let’s get going”.

Castiel was so mad he wasn’t thinking straight. He stomped across the road, up to Dean’s car, and ripped the door open.

“What did I do to deserve your making a joke of me?” Cas spat in a low voice.

“How am I making a joke of you?” Dean pondered, more confused by the second. “What are you talking about Cas?”

“This whole thing!” Castiel rose his voice, gesturing at Dean, and the interior of the Impala. “This whole ‘Come with me to see someone else, Cas”

“Not someone else, Cas!” Dean defended himself, voice raised and sounded exasperated. “You! I was coming to see you, because apparently you can’t reply to a single stupid text!”

“You.. Me? You were on your way to see me?” Castiel’s voice softened when it sank in. “But, why?”

“Are you kidding?” Dean looked offended by the question, as if Cas had just personally insulted him.

Dean set his face in a hard expression, before leaning over the front console and gripping Castiel’s cheeks in his hands, pulling the dark haired boy into the car so that he fell onto the passenger seat, and connecting their lips in a passionate embrace.

Castiel gasped, and Dean took it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into the other boy’s mouth, massaging and caressing.

Blue eyes drifted closed as Cas lost himself in the kiss. Suddenly ,they were jolted apart by a loud horn.

“C’mon, you’re blocking traffic!” the driver behind them shouted.

Dean pulled Cas all the way into the car and reached over him to pull the door closed before turning off onto the next street, continuing his path to Castiel’s home. The Impala pulled up in front of the house quickly, and Dean eased her into park before killing the engine.

“That’s why,” Dean stated solidly. Cas made a sound of confusion and prompted the driver to explain himself.

“Why I was on my way to see you, Cas. I can’t stop thinking about you. I really like you,” Dean got quieter towards the end of his statement.

“You.. you like me. Me? Castiel Novak. That me?” Castiel knew that the words coming out of his mouth didn’t make much sense, but neither did Dean’s.

“Of course,” Dean sighed, “That’s usually why you take someone on a date, Cas” he finished teasingly.

“I just thought,” the end of Castiel’s sentence slipped off into mumbling, indecipherable to Dean.

“Thought what?” Dean prodded, trying to understand why Cas was having such a hard time taking it all in.

“I thought you only took me out because you pitied me,” Cas looked up at Dean, tears beginning to glisten in his eyes.

“Pitied you?” Dean questioned, “why would I pity you?”

“Well, because I’m,” Castiel gestured at himself, then shrugged, “because I’m me?” Dean scoffed, almost floored at the idea that Cas might not see what Dean saw.

“Because you’re what Cas? Smart? Funny? Possibly the single most attractive person I have ever laid my eyes on?” Dean tried to convey what he saw through words, so that Castiel could understand how much he meant.

“I’m useless,” a single tear ran down Castiel’s cheek, “I’m trash. Why would you say those things?”

Dean placed his hand under Castiel’s chin, tilting his face up. Dean wore his most solemn face as he replied, “Because they’re true.”


	7. All The While You Held The Key

Dean kissed away Castiel’s tears as an invisible floodgate seemed to burst. Attempting to comfort the boy, Dean murmured “shh”s and “it’s okay baby, just let it out”s into Cas’s ear. When the last of Castiel’s tears had been kissed away, Dean looked up at the Senior. 

“Will you come inside?” Cas implored, eyes huge and round and red from crying. 

“Sure, Cassie. Anything for you,” and in the moment, Dean meant the statement so whole heartedly that it almost scared him. Once inside the house, Cas led Dean up the stairs and into a room. They looked to be in Castiel’s bedroom, the walls painted a soft powder blue and the room sparsely decorated, apart from a large bookshelf, close to overflowing, a standard sized desk, and a full bed, which was where Dean was being pulled now. 

“Dean. Dean, please, make it better. Make me feel good again,” Cas pleaded, eyes wide and searching.

“Okay,” Dean chided against Castiel’s neck as he maneuvered himself behind Cas and moved into a spooning position. “It’s all okay, baby. You’re okay, I’ve got you,” Dean’s voice was low and soft as he consoled the boy in his arms, heart breaking for him. Castiel snuffled in Dean’s arms, rolling his body over so that he could look at Dean again.

“Please don’t leave me,” Cas murmured the words so quietly that Dean barely caught them. The phrase was like a rusty knife to his heart, jagged and rough. 

“I won’t, Cas. I’m right here, I won’t leave you,” Dean was almost in tears now, listening to his angel in tears and failing to console him after hearing all of Castiel’s self doubt and hate. Cas was still staring up at Dean, looking like a kicked puppy. Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss the frown off of Castiel’s beautiful face, where it didn’t belong. So, he did.

Dean leaned down slowly, making sure that Cas had no doubts about the action. He was reassured when Cas’s heart rate and breathing sped up as his eyes drifted closed. Carefully cupping Castiel’s tear-sodden cheek, Dean closed the final inch of distance between their mouths. 

The kiss started off and sweet and gentle, but escalated a little too quickly for Dean’s liking in the situation when Cas sucked Dean’s lip into his mouth and bit down, using the resulting gasp as an opportunity to thrust his tongue into the younger boy’s mouth. Dean pulled away, running his thumb across Cas’s plump lower lip. Castiel looked up at him, confused.

“Did I do something wrong?” Cas questioned, sound somewhat hurt by Dean’s actions.

“No, babe. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dean reassured Cas, whose face lifted slightly. “Just, are you sure you want to move that fast?” the green eyed boy wasn’t entirely sure he trusted himself to restrain if Castiel started to make advancements on him, and he was sure that Cas didn’t need that in his emotional state. 

“Yes, Dean. Want you,” Cas leaned up to recapture Dean’s lips, and smiled against Dean’s mouth when he succeeded.

Dean gave into the kiss, moving his hand from Castiel’s cheek to his neck. He swiped his thumb lazily against the small expanse of skin behind Cas’s ear as Cas once again slipped his tongue in to Dean’s mouth. Cas moved one fist from being clenched in the soft cotton of Dean’s tee shirt to Dean’s back, slowly trailing downwards until his reached Dean’s pert butt, giving it a slight teasing squeeze.

Dean jumped, eyes flying open, and put a couple inches of space between himself and Castiel. Cas’s brow was furrowed, wondering what had prompted Dean to pull away from him, yet again. 

“Cas, we can’t, you know,” Dean trailed off, hoping Cas had caught his drift.

Cas’s lower lip stuck out in a pout. “Why not?” he whined, dragging out the vowel of the last word. 

“Baby, you’re upset. You’re not thinking straight,” Castiel looked slightly offended at Dean’s words. “I just don’t want you to regret anything,” Dean sighed.

Cas pouted at that. “I won’t,” he tried one last time, glancing up at Dean to see that his face was set in an expression of skepticism. Cas huffed. “Fine, we can just cuddle.” He turned back around in Dean’s arms and scooting until the flat plane of his back collided with Dean’s toned chest.

“I didn’t say we couldn’t do more than cuddle,” Dean breathed against Cas’s ear before beginning an assault on his neck, sucking and biting and licking. Cas giggled, which quickly turned into a soft moan as Dean bit the perfect place, right at the juncture of Cas’s shoulder and neck, before nosing at the skin behind Castiel’s ear as he blew across the fresh love bite. 

“Cas,” Dean began, sounding as if he had just stepped onto a frozen over lake and wasn’t sure if the ice was thick enough to hold him, “Can I ask you something?” he concluded.

“You just did,” Cas quirked, letting out a small giggle. “Yes,” he amended, turning his head to bite lightly at Dean’s defined jaw.

Dean took a deep breath, preparing himself. “Why do you think so lowly of yourself?”


	8. Before Your Lift, After My Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title From Plead The Fifth (Hallelujah)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlDcdu3DxYs

Castiel visibly deflated at Dean’s question. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do in this situation. Tell Dean the truth and risk him leaving once he realized how horrid Cas really was? Fabricate some superficial story to explain his weaknesses? Weave a complex web of half truths that could be tangled too easily? Or just pretend he hadn’t heard the question?

“Don’t say because it’s true. It’s not,” Dean leveled Cas with a stern expression.

“I… My dad left when I was fifteen,” Cas started minutes later, deciding the truth would be the best. “He caught me in my treehouse,” he paused, working up his courage, “kissing my neighbor,” Cas knew he would have to include more detail than that, but he hoped Dean could catch on without having to hear the words. 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding.

“My dad was very religious,” Cas continued as he saw Dean’s confusion. “My neighbor was a boy,” Castiel finished, letting all of the air out of his lungs in a fast exhale. “He.. he said I was no son of his. He called me an abomination, told me he wanted nothing to do with me and that he was disgusted by me,” as Cas relayed the things his father had said to him, Dean’s posture became stiff with anger. 

“He had no right to say those things to you, Cas,” Dean said, furious at what he was hearing.

“But he did. I sinned, I’m disgusting,” Cas brought his hands to his face as he felt the familiar shame crawling up his spine.

“Cas, look at me,” Dean implored. Castiel only lowered his hands far enough to be able to peek at Dean. “Cas, if you think you’re disgusting, then so am I,” the words didn’t exactly make sense to Cas. 

How could Dean say that? He was beautiful. Cas decided to voice his thoughts.

“You’re not disgusting, Dean. You’re gorgeous.”

“And so are you,” Dean countered.

“But, that’s different. You’re you, and I’m,” Cas looked down at himself with distaste.

“It’s exactly the same, Cas,” Dean tried to argue his point again, but he couldn’t find the words he needed to tell Cas what he wanted- no, needed - to get across. So, he tried the only thing he knew.

Dean pulled Cas into a bruising kiss, attempting to put all of his feelings into the press of his lips and the slide of his tongue, but it wasn’t enough. He kissed Castiel fiercely as he wracked his brain for the right words to say.

“You’re beautiful, Cas. You’re my escape, you’re the best thing I’ve had in a long time. Cas, I need you,” Dean let out in one breath when Castiel pulled away from the bruising kiss for a gulp of air. 

As much as Dean resented chick flick moments, he knew that Cas needed this one. He looked down at Cas when he didn’t hear a reply. Castiel’s eyes were glassy and stared past Dean at the bedroom wall. Dean felt a sudden stabbing pain in the middle of his chest. Why did all the horrible things have to happen to the best people? It wasn’t just unfair, it was bullshit. Cas didn’t deserve to feel anything less than wonderful, and it hurt Dean to know that Cas felt inferiority in the slightest amount. 

“Cas, baby, say something,” Dean pleaded.

“I don’t know what to say,” Cas shifted his gaze from the wall behind Dean to the face of the boy.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, sounding like a wounded animal. 

Cas let out a harsh half startled sound and made to wipe at one of his eyes before replying, “do I look okay?”

Dean sighed and intertwined his hands with Cas’s. He had no idea what to do. Dean didn’t have anymore words to give away, and no grand gesture of affection could make this better. All that could heal Cas was time and comfort. 

Dean nodded decisively to himself. If time and comfort was what it took, then that was what would be applied. So Dean would be there for Cas, provide comfort any way he could. And he would wait. 

Dean could wait for the boy he had fallen for.


	9. What Are You Afraid Of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I basically changed my entire plot arch sometime during the writing of this chapter, so.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who is reading this story, leaving Kudos and giving comments! I appreciate and love all the feedback and encouragement!
> 
> Title From What Are You So Scared Of by Tonight Alive   
> (it's a mess but I spent two hours trying to title this chapter and I've got nothing so fuck it)

The weeks passed, and September turned to October. The leaves changed color and carved pumpkins began watching over the town from doorsteps. Dean and Cas’s friendship blossomed into something more. 

Kisses were stolen away from the watchful eyes of Sammy. Comforting words were whispered into soft skin on days when Cas found it hard to get out of bed. Secrets were shared in the back corner of the library and the front seat of the Impala. Gazing at profiles turned to nosing at jawlines became biting at shoulders and necks as Cas became more confident with Dean.

Cas’s harmful habits had come out during the first week of October, after Dean hugged him a little too tightly from the back. Dean’s wrists had pressed solid against too new slashes on Castiel’s hips and made the Senior jump and mewl in pain. Cas confessed to Dean after the younger boy had pleaded to know what he had done wrong. Dean was afraid that he had hurt Cas unknowingly and Cas was just too sweet to mention it. Castiel had an internal debate with himself before telling Dean, knowing that showing Dean this permanent part of himself would submit Cas to judgement, whether Dean mentioned it or not. Seeing the hurt in Dean’s eyes as he mulled over the possible ways he might have hurt Cas convinced the blue eyed boy to let Dean in on the most secret part of Castiel.

Dean had taken it well, considering. He asked Cas how long it had been going on, and Dean drew a sharp breath when Cas answered that he had started in early August. For months, he had been mutilating himself. When Castiel had pulled his tee shirt up, a sick fabric woven of scars and fresh cuts covered his skin, starting just above the edge of his ribcage and disappearing into the denim waistband of Cas’s jeans. Since then, Cas had put more effort into stopping, and Dean had taken to silently asking how Cas was faring in the endeavor by way of small glances to where the Winchester knew a dark past was carved into his Castiel.

Dean’s family business was muttered after Cas had asked why their parents were never around, in not so specific phrasing. Dean gave Cas credit for how well he hid the skepticism of their Dad’s job, and not pushing further when no mention was made of Sam and Dean’s mother. But, like all things, Dean knew it would come up at some point. It had been when Dean walked into the Novak living room to Cas watching a television show, Chicago Fire, Cas had told him, that Dean sobbed out the story of the worst night of his life. Cas’s voice held no skepticism at the story, only comfort for Dean as he curled into Cas’s embrace and let out the pain he had been holding in for too long.

Dean spent most of his time outside of school around Cas, aside from when he decided he needed to spend time with Sam. Some days would find Cas and Dean doing homework and making dinner for Sammy at the motel, others Dean and Cas they went to the Novak household, curling up on the too large sofa but still pressed together tightly to watch the movies that Cas so loved, or Dean sitting on the kitchen island and watching as Cas made him the pie that the Winchester so loved. Cas and Dean did almost everything together; Dean trying his damnedest to be the solidity that Cas needed. 

And then came the night that the foundation for Dean’s happy little life was shaken.

It had started out as a normal Tuesday. Get up, make breakfast for himself and Sammy, text Cas, submit himself to the torture that was teachers droning on about subjects that Dean couldn’t care less about, trade his scowl for a smile when he met Cas for lunch, use the resulting happiness as fuel to get through until he could see Cas again after school, pick up Cas and Sammy and drive back to the motel. Become incredibly surprised at the large truck parked in front of the door, and then winded at the realization of what it meant.

“No,” Dean murmured, “No, we can’t leave. I can’t.. I won’t leave.”

“Did you say something, Dean?” Cas’s question jolted Dean out of his panic, realizing that he would have some explaining to do when he paraded his boy in front of his Dad. 

Dean gave a quick denial of his thinking out loud, then looked for Sammy’s eyes in the rearview mirror. The width of them, Dean knew, meant that Sam had seen the same thing as him. Dean felt as if an iron fist had gripped his lungs, squeezing and twisting until his breath felt like fire, forced in and out of his body.

Calm down, Dean told himself. You can do this, the words weren’t exactly convincing, but they were all Dean had. Dean clenched his eyes shut, trying to relieve some of the tension building in his bones.

Somewhat worried at the actions of the brothers, Cas could sense that something serious was about to go down, but he had no clue as to what that something might be. Cas dug his teeth into his bottom lip, debating whether he should ask about this turn of events. No, Cas thought decisively. He wouldn’t ask. He would find out soon enough.

“Okay, let’s head inside,” Dean’s voice sounded, a hint of nerves showing through. Sam appeared to be on edge, as if gearing up for the inevitable loss of a fight that he would put his last effort into. The actions and words of the Winchesters only served to confuse Cas further. What, exactly, had triggered such reactions from both boys in the five minute drive from the school to their motel? It made an entirety of no sense to Castiel.

Both Winchesters climbed out of the Impala, seemingly in tandem, leaving Cas to crawl out on his own. Whatever had set Dean on edge had also stopped him from coming around to greet Cas, at his door with a kiss, as per usual. Castiel was becoming more anxious each moment that the boys acted in this strange way, standing with muscles taut and expressions serious. They were nothing like the happy and loving brothers Cas had come to know. 

The trio approached the motel door, tension thick and hanging heavy around them. Dean unlocked the door slowly, as though relearning the practiced motion for the first time. Finally, Dean tugged the door open. Dean cleared his throat as a man entered Castiel’s field of vision, surprising him. The man had dark hair and a five o’clock shadow gracing his chiseled jaw. His framed was large and toned, bearing the muscles of a hard working man. Sam walked in first, then Dean, who urged Cas to follow him inside with a tilt of his head before shutting the door behind him.

“Boys,” the man greeted, eyebrows lifting and eyes widening as they landed on Castiel. “And who’s this?” the man interrogated, looking to Dean for an answer.

“Dad,” Dean started, anxiety dripping into the words, “this is Castiel. Cas, my father.”

“Castiel? What kind of name is that?” the man, Dean’s father, asked rather rudely, striding across the room until he was within a yard of the trio of boys.

“It’s a biblical name, Sir. My parents are deeply rooted in their faith,” Cas explained.

“I see,” Dean’s father said, looking at Castiel like he was a stock the man wasn’t sure if he should invest in. Cas seemed to pass the inspection as the man shot his hand out for a shake. “John Winchester,” the man noted.

“Pleasure,” Castiel replied, giving John’s hand a firm shake. 

“Dean, can I speak to you? Outside?” John’s tone told Dean that it wasn’t exactly a question.

“Yes, Sir,” Dean gave his consent and followed his father outside as Sam shot his brother a glance that said ‘oh shit’. Dean gave his younger brother a shrug and nodded to Cas, signaling Sam to make sure he was fine with all the tension they were swimming in.

The door closed behind Dean and he prepared to be bombarded with questions about Cas.

“What’s he doing here?” John demanded.

“He.. he comes around sometimes, he’s my friend,” Dean defended himself against his father’s harsh tone.

“Your friend? Last I checked, friends didn’t look at each other like the sun shined out of their ass,” John never had been much for mincing words.

“We’re just going to leave, anyways,” Dean snapped at John “Isn’t that why you’re here? We’re packing up, hitting the road, just like always,” the anger in Dean’s voice faded until all that was left was hurt and soft words.

John looked somewhat taken aback by Dean’s outburst. “Dean, that’s what the hunting life is. You know that,” John tried to explain to his son.

“I know, Dad. But what if I don’t want that?” Dean wondered.

“Whadaya mean, don’t want that? You’ve wanted to be a hunter practically your whole life, Dean, and now you just up and change your mind?” John sounded confused at the mere idea of Dean becoming something other than a hunter.

“What if I want to be normal? Finish High School? Become a mechanic?” Dean’s questions were sounding fairly rhetorical at this point. “What if I just want to stay with Cas?”

“Boy, get your head out of those ridiculous ideas. You’ll become a hunter, that’s what you’re meant to do,” the words coming from John carried notes of anger.

Dean knew he couldn’t be a hunter and be with Cas. He had put enough thought into every possible scenario involving the two and he knew it wouldn’t work. Dean had already chosen between the two. But he was determined to keep his relationship with his father on good grounds, and that meant getting him to understand. So Dean made the one comparison he knew would make John see how serious his feeling for Cas were.

“Dad, I love him. The way I feel about him is the same way you felt about Mom,” his father drew in a quick breath, and Dean knew he had gotten through.

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to find a way to keep you with him, then. Won’t we?” John gazed down at his oldest son with a soft expression, small smile gracing his mouth.


	10. I Can't Imagine Being Anywhere Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from James Dean & Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from James Dean & Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens

“Tell me again how you convinced your father to let you stay with me?” Cas asked Dean for about the two hundredth time since they had figured out the arrangement.

“Let’s just say.. I know which strings to pull,” Dean told the boy standing next to him on the concrete drive of the Novak residence. It had been four days since John Winchester had met Dean and Sam at the motel with Castiel in tow, and Dean and Cas were currently watching the large truck with John and Sam stowed away inside pull away from the curb. The two Winchesters were headed for Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where Bobby Singer had found something on the demon John was hunting. 

Dean’s Impala was parked in the garage, sheltered from the weather. John had told Dean to keep it when he left town. John didn’t need it as long as he had his truck, and it was no use to Sammy, who wasn’t even eligible for a learner’s permit yet. 

After Dean had convinced his father to let him stay in town, they had set to thinking about options for Dean’s boarding. Seen as they didn’t really know anyone is town, besides Cas that is, their options were rather limited. Either let Dean stay at the motel by himself, which Dean was all for, or let Dean stay at the Novak residence for the time being. John decided the later was the better of the two options. Sure, the two hormonal teenage boys would have full access to each other’s bones basically twenty four seven, as Mrs. Novak left for her shift at the hospital before the boys got home from school at four and returned between one and three in the morning. But they would still have that with Dean alone at the motel. So, John might as well leave Dean somewhere with an adult. Make sure that he wasn’t just living on cheeseburgers and coke, and that he was getting his course work done.

“C’mon, let’s head inside,” Dean suggested. They were now staring at a quiet suburban street, as the truck had driven out of sight a few minutes earlier. 

“Alright,” Cas replied before turning up the front walk and holding the door open for Dean, who followed behind him. Dean reached out for Cas’s hand, tangling their fingers together, as Cas pulled the door closed behind the two of them. Dean pulled Cas towards the living room and turned on the television, then plopped down on the couch and pulled the fuzzy blanket from the back of the couch to cover himself and Castiel. 

“So..” Dean drawled in a low tone, biting his lip.

“So?” Cas raised his eyebrows at the boy seated beside him.

“We’re all alone. Will be for hours. Wonder what we could do?” Dean moved closer to Cas as he spoke, stopping just before their noses brushed. His eyes flitted down to Cas’s lips, then back to his startlingly blue eyes. Cas gave Dean a quick peck before leaning back and chuckling light heartedly.

“Well, we could have some dinner,” Cas told Dean. He rolled off of the couch and got to his feet, swaying his hips obscenely. Dean flipped onto his stomach before burying his face in the couch cushions and releasing a groan.

 

 

 

_***BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *** _

 

 

“I got it!” Cas called at the bell for the front door sounded through the house. Dean was upstairs, just getting done with a shower, and Cas was preparing to make dinner for the two of them in the kitchen. 

Dean had been living at the Novaks’ home for two weeks now, and everything had been smooth sailing. Cas and Dean almost seemed like a just married couple with their level of domesticity. Dinner was cooked by Cas every night as Dean set the table. As good as Dean was with canned and frozen food, he’d burn down the kitchen trying to actually make something from scratch. Cas didn’t mind. Quite the contrary, actually. Dean was Cas’s test subject for new concoctions he decided to whip up on a whim. They were usually good, but one night Cas had found himself dumping his idea into the trash as Dean put a pizza in the oven. 

“Okay, be down in a second!” Dean shouted down from the guest bedroom. Dean rarely actually slept in the guest bedroom. That little piece of their plan had cracked when Dean had awoken his first night in the house to Cas screaming and crying in his sleep. Dean had woken Cas up and calmed him down, but he had been reluctant to leave Cas’s side. Instead of going back to the guest room, Dean had crawled into Cas’s bed behind him and curled around him, as if he could protect Cas from everything bad in the world.

Cas opened the front door with a smile on his face, which quickly fell when he spied his company. Castiel’s blood went cold as his mind sent off signals to every part of his body, alerting them that something was wrong. Something was very wrong if _he_ was here. Castiel tried to shove the door back closed but the man shoved his arm out, forcing the door to stay ajar. Castiel backed up into the front hallway, putting as much distance between himself and the threat.

The man sneered as he began to speak. “Now, Castiel,” the man’s tone was chiding, “is that any way to treat your father?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't heard yet, America made history yesterday. Our Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality, and the first gay couple was married in my home state. Yay for equality!


	11. Do You Feel Better Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 
> 
> The worst smut you have ever read lies ahead (please don't hate me).

“Dean!” Castiel yelled, fear coursing through his body. “Dean, I need you!”

“I’m coming, Cas!” Dean shouted before running down the stairs, hearing the terror in Cas’s voice. He made his way to the front door, and his brow furrowed in confusion at the scene before him. A man was leering at Cas, looking at him as if he were a defective toy.

“Can’t even handle me on your own, huh? Had to call down your boy toy to come defend your honor, little faggot?” the man spat the words at Cas while eyeing Dean.

“How dare you talk to him like that!” Dean’s voice was scorning, tainted with disgust at the intruder.

“Watch your tone, boy!” the man snapped, “You’re in my house!”

“Cas?” Dean asked, implying his question.

“Dean, this is m-my f-f-father,” Castiel told him, on the verge of tears.

“Always were a crybaby, weren’t you Castiel? So feminine. How was I ever surprised to find out that you were a faggot?” Castiel’s father mocked sweetness until the last word, when he put all his venom into one bite. 

“Get out,” Dean warned, “Get out, or I will drag your dead body out of here myself.”

“You might want to get a leash for your guard dog, Castiel. He’s barking up the wrong tree,” Mr. Novak addressed Castiel, but spoke the words to Dean.

“D-dean” Castiel’s voice shook as tears made their way down his face.

“Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay,” Dean softened to comforted Cas before a murderous look came over his face. “I’ll give you one last chance. Get out. Now.” Dean spoke to Castiel’s father.

“Fine. But don’t think I won’t be back. The one I want isn’t here, anyways,” Mr. Novak turned and walked casually out the door, Dean slamming and locking it as soon as he had passed the threshold. 

Castiel slid down the wall of the entranceway, dissolving into hysterics. 

“Shh, baby. It’s okay. He’s gone. You’re okay,” Dean comforted, pulling Cas into his chest and wrapping his arms around the boy. Dean carried Cas up the stairs to his bedroom, laying him down in his bed and climbing in behind him. Cas rolled to face Dean, tears still streaming down his face, but not as frequently. Dean’s arms wrapped around Cas, enveloping in a tight embrace. 

“Hey,” Dean tilted Cas’s chin up so that he could look into Cas’s eyes. “You know I love you, right?” although it wasn’t the ideal situation to say the three words for the first time, Dean knew that Cas needed to hear them. 

“You,” Cas’s eyes flitted somewhere behind Dean, then back to the evergreen forest that was Dean’s eyes, “you love me?”

“Yes, Cas. I love you,” Dean leaned in to press a sweet, chaste kiss to Cas’s lips.

Cas pulled away and looked down at his hand, bunched up around the soft fabric of his too long knit sweater sleeves. “How can you say that?” Castiel shifted his gaze to meet Dean’s once more, then back to his sweater paws. “I’m just a worthless faggot.”

“Castiel.” Dean sounded outright murderous, “Don’t you dare say that. He doesn’t know anything about you. He doesn’t have any right to say things like that to you.”

“But he’s right, isn’t he?” Cas’s voice was quivering, shaking with the self doubt that Dean had tried to relieve Cas of.

“No, Cas. He isn’t. He couldn’t be further from it,” with that, Dean buried his face in the juncture of Castiel’s neck and shoulder, pressing into him as if he could never be close enough. The tears began to build up behind Dean’s own eyelids as he curled around his Cas. “I wish you could see how wonderful you are, Cas. I wish I could show you,” Dean’s voice sounded wrecked, giving away the multitude of emotion coursing through him.

“Dean,” Cas pleaded, “please. Kiss it better,” Dean knew exactly what he was asking for.

“Are you sure?” Dean didn’t want this to be some decision that Cas would wake up and regret.

“Yes. I’m sure,” Cas sounded very decisive, and Dean knew there would be no changing his mind. 

“Okay, alright,” Dean pressed his lips to Castiel’s, all softness and love. He slowly licked into Cas’s mouth, caressing Castiel’s tongue. Cas let his eyes drift closed as a soft moan slipped from his throat. 

Dean ran his hands over Cas’s soft curves, ending at his hips and breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against Castiel’s. Neither of them could tell whose breaths were whose, all warm air tangled in the inch of space between them. Cas leaned his head to the side as Dean reached to tug at his ear lobe with his teeth once again, allowing access to his pale skin. Dean moved slowly across the plane of Cas’s neck and over his collar bones, biting, licking, and sucking. Simultaneously, his hands burrowed their way under Castiel’s tee shirt. 

Finally, Dean’s mouth breached the collar of Cas’s shirt. Dean’s hands, still fisted in the soft cotton of Castiel’s shirt, began to tug the fabric upwards until it was concentrated underneath Cas’s arms. Dean moved to nose at Cas’s left shoulder, silently instructing him to lift his arms. Castiel raised the appendages languidly, already half lost in Dean’s ministrations on his body. Dean pulled the shirt from Cas’s body quickly. 

The rest of the two’s clothing soon followed, and Dean found himself appreciating every aspect of Cas’s naked body. His barely there abdominal muscles, the little trail of hair that lead to the V of his slightly jutting hip bones, and toned thighs from his morning runs that Dean had found himself not so reluctantly joining in on. Dean bit down on his body lip as his eyes trailed back up to Cas’s, and forest green met bright blue.

“Do you have?” Dean cut the question short, eager to feel every inch of Cas’s body, already littered with small bruises from Dean’s mouth.

“Yeah,” Cas answered, “yeah. Bedside table, first drawer.”

Dean opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. He slicked up his fingers and rolled the condom onto himself before looking up at Cas’s face.

“Are you ready?” Dean asked, concern and adoration for Cas evident in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah. Yes,” Cas pushed out in a rush, eager for anything Dean was willing to give him.

“Okay,” Dean conceded, before pushing in the first finger. He worked Cas for a minute, getting him used to the feeling of being stretched, while he sucked at the soft skin of his left thigh. The second finger went easier, and soon, Dean had three digits inside of Cas, scissoring him open for Dean’s cock.

“I’m ready, Dean. Please,” Cas begged, spreading his thighs and pulling Dean’s face up from in between his legs.

“You’re sure about this?” Dean asked again, worry clouding his features.

“More sure than I’ve ever been before,” Cas told Dean before tugging him down and locking their lips in a heated embrace. Dean pulled away quickly to lick at the long column of Cas’s throat before lining himself up and pushing in. 

The feeling wasn’t immediately pleasant, but it wasn’t the blinding pain that Cas had expected, either. It was more of a dull ache, struggling slightly to adjust to Dean’s large girth, despite being stretched out meticulously in preparation for it. Dean let out a moan as he bottomed out, gritting his teeth and waiting for Cas to be ready before going any further.

“You can move now, Dean,” Cas told Dean as he adjusted to the size of him. Dean began thrusting, pushing in and put slowly and thoroughly. The experience gradually became better for Castiel, as the ache faded into something more pleasurable. He could feel Dean moving inside of him, and imagined their bodies as two puzzle pieces that could only be completed by each other. 

Suddenly, one of Dean’s thrusts hit a place somewhere deep inside of Cas, pushing a low moan of Dean’s name from his vocal cords. “There, again,” Cas commanded. Dean followed the instruction and hit the same place, sending a shock of pleasure through Castiel’s body. “Yes,” Cas moaned, “God.”

“Nope, just Dean,” the Winchester joked cheekily. Cas let out a little giggled, but switched to a noise of pleasure halfway through. “You feel so good, Cas,” Dean moaned into his ear before licking around the shell. “Gonna come for me, baby?” he coaxed in the lowest tone Cas had ever heard him use, sending a shiver down Castiel’s spine. 

“Dean,” Cas moaned again, “yeah. Gonna come.” Cas could feel the pressure building, coming to a high. 

“That’s it,” Dean encouraged, “come for me, Cas.” At the words coming from Dean’s mouth, Cas felt all of the tension leave his body. He came with a strangled cry of Dean’s name, who followed soon after. 

When the two had come down from their respective highs, Dean pulled out of Cas and got up to throw the condom away. When he got back to the bed, he placed himself in his usual spot between Cas and the bedroom wall. Castiel turned over to face his lover, soft smile on his face and his father’s words erased from his mind, at least for the moment.

“You know I love you, right?” Dean asked, worry grating on his beautifully wrecked voice.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas whispered adoringly, “I love you, too.”


	12. I'd Throw Away My Faith Just To Keep You Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab
> 
> Emotional instability, yay. *looks in mirror* *laughs nervously*

“There’s a nest where?” Dean asked Bobby, the phone connection crackling as the old hunter drove and switched between towers. The Winchester had received a call from his dad that there was another vampire nest close to the town where Cas lived. As much as Dean wanted to pretend that he could just stop hunting and be normal, he knew he couldn’t. If there was some monster that had even the slightest chance of hurting his Cas, and he didn’t do everything he did to stop it, Dean would never forgive himself.

“Rochester, Minnesota. It’s about half an hour from where you and your boy are,” Bobby repeated, the better reception making the words come across clearer this time. 

“Well, that’s just great,” the Winchester grumbled in his signature sarcastic tone of voice. “Put the word out, will ya? See if anyone can take the case. Otherwise,” Dean sighed, hoping he wouldn’t have to take care of the nest himself, leaving Cas alone and vulnerable.

“I s’pose,” Bobby told him, but Dean knew the chances of getting anyone else on the case was slim. “I’ll let ya know what I find out.” 

“Alright,” Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, “thanks, Bobby.”

“You’re welcome, idjit,” Bobby replied with as much sass as an old man could possess. 

Dean chuckled lightly and ended the call. He took a deep breath before shoving his cell phone back into the pocket of his jeans. It was just after six o’clock and Cas was downstairs making dinner. It had been a little over a week since Castiel’s father had paid his visit to the pair, and this was the first time since then that Dean had left his boyfriend alone for more than the duration of a trip to the lavatory. 

Rolling his shoulders, Dean got up from Cas’s bed and walked to the kitchen, seeking his boyfriend’s warm and calming touch. Cas was cooking pasta in a pot on the stove when Dean entered the room. Dean stepped up behind Cas, hooking his chin over Cas’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Castiel’s slim waist. Cas made a smooth sound of contentment before swiveling his head to peck Dean’s stubbled jaw. 

“I love your stubble,” Cas looked up at Dean and scrunched his nose cutely, “it adds texture.” 

Dean laughed lightly at the comment, “It’s not like you’ve got a lack of it,” he stared down fondly at Cas.

“Yeah, but it’s different when it’s someone else’s,” Cas defended, pouting his lips.

Dean laughed again, fuller this time. “Whatever you say, weirdo,” Dean leaned down and pecked the tip of Cas’s nose. “When’s dinner?” he asked.

“Should only be about ten minutes. Will you stir this while I fry the chicken and cook the Alfredo sauce?” Cas asked, eager for help preparing the meal.

“Sure,” Dean agreed, taking the slotted and teethed spoon contraption Cas handed him and stirring the spaghetti in the pot. Dean and Cas finished dinner side by side, sharing kisses and trading cheeky comments, the perfect picture of domesticity. When the food was finished, Cas carried it over to the dining room as Dean set the table. Dean mentally prepared himself for the conversation he was going to have to have. 

“So,” Dean cleared his throat as he and Cas sat down, Cas beginning to spoon a pile of pasta onto his plate.

“So?” Cas raised an eyebrow, prompting Dean to continue.

“I might have to go out of town Friday night,” Dean began. “It shouldn’t take too long,” he added as Cas paled at his words.

“Where?” Cas asked, pursing his lips and attempting to look as if Dean’s words didn’t scare him as much as they did. It’s ridiculous to be this dependent on someone, Cas thought to himself, I should be fine without Dean. But you’re not, a second voice in Cas’s head said. You need him, the voice said, more than anything. Castiel’s breathing rate increased and he realized that he had completely missed whatever Dean had just said. “What?” Cas shook his head slightly, attempting to rid himself of his turbulent thoughts.

“Uhm, Rochester?” Dean repeated, brow furrowed at Cas’s unease. “Are you okay, Cas?” Dean’s worry was palpable.

“Fine. I’m fine,” Cas said. It’s just that the man I love and trust to keep me safe is leaving me, Cas thought. He swallowed heavily.

“Okay,” the hard set of Dean’s jaw let Cas know that it definitely wasn’t okay. “I just have a bit of business there. It shouldn’t take more than an hour or two.”

“Alright,” Cas said. Nothing is alright, he thought. 

Dean and Cas finished eating their dinner, both visibly upset and on edge. Dean washed the dishes, scrubbing too hard at bits of sauce that were barely stuck to the dinner plates. Cas pressed lids onto plastic tupperware containing their leftover, squeezing the sides together so hard that the tops of the containers left prints on the soft skin of Cas’s palms.

Cas left the kitchen for his bedroom before Dean had finished drying their cutlery. As soon as Cas was out of sight, Dean ran a hand through his artfully mussed hair and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. As if on some invisible cue, Dean’s phone began to ring.

“Bobby,” Dean started after flipping his cell open, “what do you have?”

“Nobody’s within three days’ drive of the place, Dean,” Bobby stated, straight to the point.

“Dammit,” Dean rubbed his temples with one hand. “Okay. I’ll take care of it. Thanks, Bobby.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Bobby said. 

Dean hung up and finished doing the dishes and put them away before following Cas upstairs to bed. When Dean reached the bedroom, he heard a small sniffle that felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He couldn’t stand knowing that he had done _this_ to _**his** _ Cas. 

“God, Cas,” Dean murmured, pacing to the bed and pressing in behind Castiel, shoving his face in Cas’s neck and wrapping his arms tight around his boyfriend. “I’m so sorry, Cas.” 

“You’re l-luh-luh-eaving me,” Cas cried, “Leaving just like ev-every-one.” 

“I wish I didn’t have to,” Dean whispered into Cas’s neck. “I don’t want to,” Dean confessed.

Castiel turned around in Dean’s arms to face him. “Then w-why are you?” Cas hiccupped out.

“Because I have to,” Dean’s voice was raw with emotion, “so that I can keep you safe.”

“I don’t understand,” Cas had stopped sobbing now, but tears were still streaming down his porcelain features, “Safe from what?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Dean tried.

“Try me,” Castiel clenched his jaw in determination.

Dean sighed, knowing there was no way he could get out of telling Cas. “From vampires, Cas.”


	13. There's A Bad Moon On The Rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 
> 
> Sorry this took me so long to update, I'm currently on vacation and I haven't had a lot of time to write. Next chapter should be up late Monday or Tuesday.

It should have been a routine hunt. Not event a hard one, at that. The nest of vamps in Rochester was small, from what he could tell. There had only been two deaths in the span of a month, only enough blood to feed two or three bloodsuckers.

The drive was shorter than Dean expected, only taking upwards of twenty minutes. Scenery was plentiful in the Midwestern state, which Dean found made the time pass a hell of a lot faster than the couple of ’nothing to see but crop fields’ states Dean had driven across. He found his mind drifting to Cas, wondering if Cas would ever be able to come on a hunt with him. How hot he would look, all manliness and power. 

_Nope,_ Dean thought, _not happening_. Putting himself in a situation like that would be suicide for Dean, not to mention endangering the petite older boy. Dean would be too occupied in watching and protecting Cas, getting them both hurt, if not killed, in the meanwhile. Dean would just have to take solo trips, like this one, if something put the two of them in danger.

Dean didn’t notice how far he had driven until he looked over at the exit number and had to jerk the Impala into a hard right in order to make the exit. The nest resided in some old abandoned warehouse, he had found out from Bobby, barely within city limits. Dean appraised the building as he parked the Impala about fifty yards from the entrance of the place. Not too far to run to if something went bad, but far enough away to be at least somewhat inconspicuous. 

Dean had no more than gotten out of his car when the trouble started.

The fire door of the warehouse swung open, and Dean jumped behind his baby to assess whatever was exiting the building. He had expected a vampire. What he hadn’t expected was for said vampire to be _Cas’s dad_.

 _Shit,_ Dean thought to himself. This was definitely not something he was prepared to handle. _Sure,_ Dean tried to reason, _the guy was a vampire. And maybe he was a bit of a douche bag. But he was still Cas’s dad._

Dean tried to sort out what to do with this job. Maybe he would just keep Cas safe and close until Bobby could scrounge up some other hunter to take care of the job. That way Dean would have to bank his boyfriend’s father. But how close could Dean keep Cas, and for how long? The Winchester would have even more trouble sleeping than he already did if he knew there was a vamp on the loose with a perusal agenda for his angel. 

_No,_ Dean decided. He was going to have to get rid of the nest of vampires. And if that meant ganking Cas’s dad, he would have to remind himself what the end goal was. _Protect Cas. Protect his family._

Mr. Novak retreated back into the warehouse, and Dean slunk around the Impala to the trunk. He grabbed his favorite machete and tucking a .45 into the waistband of his jeans, just in case. Dean closed the car’s back end and crept back around her, towards the warehouse door. Dean stopped to listen before entering, assessing the situation inside.

The first voice he heard was Mr. Novak’s, unsurprisingly. The man sounded as arrogant as ever, and if Dean hadn’t known any better, he would’ve sworn that the man hadn’t changed at all since showing up on the Novaks’ doorstep and harassing Castiel. _What if nothing **has** changed?_ Dean wondered.

The thought sent a cold shock through the green eyed boy. Had Cas’s dad been a bloodsucker the entire time? _No, I would’ve noticed something so obvious,_ Dean tried, not even convincing to himself. He had been so tied up in getting between Cas and the man, making the older Novak shut his damn mouth, what if it had completely slipped passed him? Had Dean really let a vampire that close to Cas?

Dean shook himself from his thoughts. They were no good now, Dean couldn’t go back and change it. Cas was fine, and that’s all that mattered.

A second, higher voice caught Dean’s attention. It was very obviously feminine, but lacking class. The woman spoke in slurred syllables and the twang of her words suggested she was from somewhere in the Southern region of the country. Dean listened a while longer, counting voices. He concluded, after a few minutes, that his information on the number had been correct. Three vampires, the Southern girl, Cas’s dad, and another male voice that Dean guessed had been nurtured somewhere in the North Western Pacific piece of the country.

Once Dean had worked up a sufficient amount of adrenaline, he kicked the door to the warehouse open. The girl was the first to look up, and she didn’t notice the knife in the hunter’s hand as she lunged at Dean. That is, until it was halfway through her neck. Dean headed for Mr. Novak, the closer of the two remaining vampires, and prepared himself for a takedown. What he didn’t notice, however, was the figure who had crept through the door behind him. The Winchester’s confusion only grew when he put his knife to Mr. Novak’s neck, who proceeded to chuckle darkly. 

“Look what we have here,” Pacific Coast spoke, and Dean turned to look at the man without moving his knife from Mr. Novak’s throat. And that’s when shit hit the fan.


	14. I Will Not Die When You're Beside Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Time of Dying by Three Days Grace 
> 
> *Nervous laughter*

“Cas,” Dean gasped as he saw the figure that Pacific Coast had a grip on. 

“Dean,” Castiel all but sobbed and his father let loose another round of sinister laughs. Dean whipped his head back to the man, pressing the machete into the column of his neck. 

“Now, now, boy. You wouldn’t kill poor Cassie here’s pop right in front of him like that, would you?” The man knew that he had won as soon as Dean’s expression pulled taught. 

“How’d you even get here, Cas?” Dean asked, not removing the blade from the vampire’s neck.

“I.. I hide in the backseat,” tears were running down Cas’s face by now.

“Why? Dean’s voice raised despite his efforts to remain calm, “Why the hell would you do something so stupid? 

Dean knew he had said something horribly wrong when Cas’s face shattered. “I _thought_ you were going to _leave me?i >!” Cas all but shouted his last words at Dean. “I’m sorry I’m so fragile and _stupid_! Thinking that you actually _cared about me_ ,” the tone of the words changed from angry to broken as Castiel spoke._

_“I didn’t mean-“ Dean tried to fix his mistake, but Mr. Novak cut him off mid-sentence._

_“Not that this little love quarrel isn’t entertaining, but let’s get to the real fun. Shall we?” Dean growled and tightened his grip on the vampire, eliciting yet another chuckle from the almost-man. “Careful, Dean. I say one word and your little boyfriend gets snapped like the twig he is.”_

_Cas let out a small squeak, afraid for his life. The thought caused Castiel to reflect on how much his life had changed in the few short months since he had met Dean. At the end of August, the thought of death hadn’t scared Cas at all. Hell, if anything, it was comforting to him. It was insane how much happier he had become since meeting the Winchester. Dean had shown him that he was anything but the worthless trash he had felt like, and Cas wasn’t about to let go of that now._

_Castiel was brought back to the situation at hand by Dean’s voice as he snapped out a “What do you want?”._

_“To talk negotiations,” Cas’s dad said simply. “You let me go, and we won’t kill the angel.”_

_Dean swore to himself, knowing he had no option. “Alright, fine. Pacific Coast lets Cas go, and I’ll let you go,” Dean bargained._

_“That’s hilarious, boy,” Mr. Novak stated, humor fading. “We both know how that goes. He lets the boy go and you off me. Not happening,” he growled._

_“If you think I’m letting you go while he’s still holding Cas,” Dean jerked his head toward Pacific Coast._

_“You heard him,” the elder Novak directed at the other vampire. Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before Pacific Coast warped his face into a fanged smile._

_The vampire lowered his mouth to Cas’s neck as Dean watched in horror. Cas stood, eyes squeezed closed, bracing for pain. Suddenly, Pacific Coast let out a surprised gasp and slumped to the floor in a heap, syringe stabbed into his side. Dean’s wonder receded as he remembered the debriefing on vampires he had given Cas, and the couple syringes full of Dead Man’s Blood he had left in the back seat of the Impala. A surge of pride washed over Dean before he redirected his attention to the situation at hand._

_“Good job, Cas. I’m proud of you,” Castiel’s expression of shock was replaced by a smile at the praise._

_“Turns out the boy isn’t completely worthless,” the remaining vampire muttered, only to be ignored by both of the other men._

_“He’s not going to be out for long. Do you think you can finish it, babe?” Dean questioned._

_“I.. I think so. I just have to. With-with the head, right?” Cas replied, fear of the situation evident through his thinly veiled front._

_“Yeah, baby. The head,” Dean attempted to sooth his boyfriend with his voice, traces of fondness slipping through._

_“Isn’t that cute? Coaching the little fag how to grow some balls,” Mr. Novak interjected, obviously looking to get a rise out of his companions._

_Dean pressed his blade harder into the monster’s neck, hissing a, “Shut the fuck up.” The cackle released by the older man bounced off walls of the mostly empty building. The man knew that Dean cared too much about his precious boyfriend to off his father like this._

_The Winchester watched as Cas collected the large knife that had fallen from Pacific Coast’s meaty paw as he had fallen to the warehouse floor. Castiel took a deep breathe before raising the weapon and clenched his eyes shut as he decapitated the large vampire in one clean slice. When he opened his eyes, he was met with the sight of his boyfriend. _Alone_._


	15. Everyone Knows I'm In Over My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray
> 
> I basically abandoned this story, I'm so sorry! As an apology, extra long chapter! On the bright side, there's only one chapter left in this fic before the Epilogue! I hope you guys all like the chapter!

“What the hell, Dean?” Cas asked, fuming in the passenger seat of the Impala as Dean sped down the road headed back to Castiel’s house.

“What did you want me to do, Cas? Kill the guy right in front of you?” Dean clenched the steering wheel hard, causing the leather to creak under his fingers.

“Yes!” Castiel exclaimed, as if it were the easiest thing in the world, “He’s going to hurt people, Dean!” the blue eyed man sounded moments from breaking into hyste else can take care of it, Cas!” Dean yelled, flooded with guilt as Cas flinched away from him. “I’ll call Bobby as soon as we get home, he’ll get another hunter to go after him.”

“Great, so someone else’s life can be endangered,” despite the smallness of his voice, Cas’s words carried venom.

“That’s not our fault, Cas,” Dean tried to explain, but Castiel was having none of it.

“Yes, it is! It is our fault, Dean! We could have _taken care of it_!” rage flooded Cas’s tone. The Impala’s tire screeched as Dean forced her to a stop and pulled onto a side road. Dean threw the car into park and whipped his head to stare at his boyfriend.

“Castiel,” Dean was calm, collected, and it somewhat scared Cas. Dean never used his full name, unless he was full throttle, ready to punch your lights out, pissed. Cas’s posture fell immediately into tense submission, only loosening slightly when Dean placed a hand upon Cas’s knee to comfort him. “You deserved so much more than that man gave you as a father,” Dean started, eyes soft and imploring as they seemed to look straight through Cas’s eyes to his soul. “But, he is your father. And I’m _not_ going to kill him. Monster or not.”

“He was a monster long before he was a vampire, Dean,” Castiel whispered, jaw clenched as his fist curled into and loosened from tight fists. Dean sighed.

“I know you feel that way now, Cas. But I know there was a time when you looked up to him, when you loved him. And those memories, the good ones, will always live right alongside all the horrible, nasty, monstrous ones. Okay? If I had ganked him back there,” Dean drew a long breath into his lungs, before letting it back out, “I would always feel guilty, Cas. And chances are you would, too, someday.” The Winchester was staring down at his lap at this point, throat bobbing as he swallowed.

Cas drug his hands down his face and glanced over at his boyfriend, then promptly slumped against the dash of the Impala. “I hate it when you’re right,” Cas declared, lifting his head to glare jokingly at his boyfriend and huffing. “Let’s get home so you can call Bobby.”

Dean shifted his baby back into drive before pulling back onto the main road and following it back to the turnoff he needed to take for the Novak residence. The drive as unusually quiet, Dean seemingly deep in contemplation and Cas alternating between shifting around in the seat and fidgeting with the belt as he attempted to escape the lingering discomfort from the tension of the earlier situation. As much as Cas wanted to pretend that he had helped his boyfriend back there, Castiel was aware that Dean could have handled it, probably better, if he had just stayed at home like Dean had asked him to. Really, the entire ordeal was Cas’s fault in the first place. If he had just trusted Dean, all three of the vampires could be dead right now. Instead, one of them was on the loose, probably hurting innocent people. 

Castiel was absorbed by his self-deprecating thoughts, barely noticing that they had pulled up into the driveway of his house until Dean killed the engine and looked over at him. The expression the Winchester wore was hard to decipher. It was a mystery to Cas, who knew Dean as well as the back of his hand. Cas’s brow furrowed in confusion, causing Dean to plaster a small smile onto his face. Instead of soothing Cas, the change only served to send him deeper into the depths of confusion.

Before Cas could question Dean, the later opened his door and climbed out of the car before heading to open the door for Cas, as per usual. Castiel’s jaw twitched as he attempted to hold his questions at bay. Dean obviously wasn’t talking about it. 

As the pair entered the house, Dean addressed Cas. “Why don’t you head on upstairs, I’ve just gotta make that phone call.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Castiel replied blankly, feeling a pinch of fear and longing at Dean’s lack of emotion, but following his suggestion anyway.

Cas ascended the stairs and entered his bedroom, stripping from the clothes he was wearing and putting on an old pair of sweat pants and one of Dean’s faded tees. The cotton was large enough to feel big on Cas, but not so much so as to swallow him or make him look as if he were drowning in the fabric. After pulling off his socks, Cas began to trek back downstairs, towards the kitchen, to begin preparing dinner. The sound of a wavering voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Tell him I’ll be there late tomorrow, Bobby.” Judging by his voice, Dean seemed to be on the verge of tears. He paused, seeming to listen to someone, presumably his godfather. “I know it will. But I need to. Just tell him, alright?” Dean was obviously trying to portray the tough guy he was around everyone but Cas, and only barely failing by the time Cas heard his boyfriend’s phone clatter onto the counter top. 

Cas approached the kitchen casually, pretending that he _hadn’t_ just been eavesdropping on his boyfriend. “What was that all about?” Cas asked, causing Dean to jump approximately three feet in the air.

“Jesus, Cas.” Dean rubbed one hand over his face. “You can’t just sneak up on a guy like that.”

“I hadn’t realized I was sneaking,” Cas giggled light heartedly.

“We have to get you a cat bell or something. Shit,” Dean exclaimed, face regaining the color it had lost at Dean’s fright.

Cas laughed again, before taking two chicken breasts that had been thawing out from the fridge and grabbing a cutting board and knife to begin making dinner for himself and his boyfriend.

Dean became surprisingly affectionate, standing behind Cas and kissing his neck as he fried the chicken and prepared the other ingredients for burritos. When Cas had almost finished the meal, Dean set the table and even quickly whipped up Cas’s favorite recipe for homemade lemonade. 

Although Castiel was vaguely suspicious of his boyfriend’s doting, he chalked it up to the emotional day. Heaven knows how grateful Cas might be for his boyfriend if he had nearly lost him. 

Cas clicked the stove burner off and brought the chicken to the table. Dean followed swiftly behind him, carrying tortillas, cheese, and beans. Cas turned to get the sour cream and tiny-diced tomatoes from where he had left them on the counter, but Dean bracketed his hips against the edge of the table, effectively stopping him in his tracks. 

Leaning his head down, Dean whispered into Cas’s ear, “Sit down, babe. I’ll get them.”

Cas cocked his head and blinked up at Dean, who chuckled and pecked Cas’s lips before walking away to retrieve the remaining burrito toppings. Looking at the table setting, Cas noticed that Dean had assembled both place settings on the same side of the square table, as opposed to the usual placement, across from each other.

Dean returned to the dining room and set the food on the table before pushing Cas’s chair in. As Dean sat down, he placed a small kiss on Cas’s cheek, maintaining his surplus of affection from earlier. 

“Dean, what’s up with you tonight?” Cas laughed out.

“Hmm?” Dean mumbled innocently before placing another peck just behind Castiel’s ear. “Whaddya mean?”

“C’mon,” Cas tilted Dean’s chin to make eye contact with his boyfriend. “All the kisses.” Cas looked pointedly at Dean.

Dean put on his best puppy face, learned from years being in close proximity to Sammy, and looked up at Cas through his lashes. “I thought you liked my kisses?” he pouted.

“Dean, you know I love your kisses,” Cas began, “But you usually don’t administer them at every possible chance you get.” He raised his eyebrows, silently questioning Dean.

“I just,” Dean huffed, “I love you, Castiel.” For some reason that Cas didn’t understand, Dean’s eyes were glimmering with unshed tears. Yet, the shine made the forest green eyes look ever so much brighter, and Cas found himself struck speechless at the combination of words and expressions.

It wasn’t that the two never exchanged ‘I-Love-You’s, but it was a phrase saved for rare and emotionally charged or straining moments. Something only said with the deepest meaning, to convey the purest of feelings. 

Castiel was struck with affection so deep for this man that no words could describe it. So, he didn’t attempt to use words. Cas expressed his emotions in the only way he knew how.

He reached up and tugged at Dean’s short locks until his plush lips came to rest upon Castiel’s. But no, Cas decided, that wasn’t good enough. Cas began to assault Dean’s mouth, kissing him with a passion of a famished man taking a bite of ambrosia. Dean’s mouth opened under Cas’s convincing tongue, going soft and pliant as Castiel explored the cavern of his mouth. Dean had barely stood up from the dining chair when Cas wrapped both legs around his waist, moaning and clinging to Dean’s strong shoulders, arms wrapped around his neck. Quickly, Dean moved his hand to support his boyfriend, placing them each under one globe of Castiel’s full ass and lifting until the older boy was at a height that Dean deemed suitable. 

Quickly, Dean carried Castiel up the staircase and to their shared bedroom, slamming Cas against the plaster of the bedroom wall once he reached his destination. Cas groaned as Dean ground against him through the layers of denim and cotton, and tugged at Dean’s shirt, mumbling “off”s.

Dean complied, removing his shirt swiftly before returning to Cas’s body and repeating the action. Lifting Cas once more, Dean bit down sharply and moved towards the bed, where he deposited his boyfriend before crawly languidly up the comforter towards him. The rest of their clothing was made quick work of, and soon Dean found himself rifling through the nightstand drawer for the small bottle of lube. 

Dean found the object, popping the cap open and coating his fingers in the cold substance. He worked the first finger past Cas’s tight ring of muscle with little resistance, crooking and sliding the digit to stretch the muscle before inserting his middle finger alongside his pointer finger. Cas moaned and writhed above him as he worked, obviously enjoying his boyfriend’s ministrations. “Cas,” Dean panted as he left a trail of kisses smattered across the boy’s hips. “Cas, need you,” Dean groaned. He was three fingers deep now, plunging and twisting, looking for that spot that he knew would be Cas’s undoing.

“Ready, Dean,” Cas moaned out, “’M ready.”

“Okay, baby,” Dean reached back to the nightstand in search of a condom, but Cas pulled him back.

“No,” Cas groaned and Dean’s brow furrowed in obvious confusion. Cas had wanted this two seconds ago. Had he changed his mind? Dean would have to go jerk to get rid of the wood he was sporting at this point. He supposes he could always just take a shower and- “Just you. All you,” Cas moaned, panting heavily now.

“Oh God,” Dean groaned, eyes rolling back into his skull. He attempted to get himself under control, before moving his mouth up to the column of Cas’s throat and peeking his tongue out to lap up some of the salt on the dark haired boy’s skin. “Are you sure, Cas? Want you to be sure, baby.”

Cas pulled away from his boyfriend momentarily. “Are you?” he asked, leaving the question for Dean’s mind to complete. 

“Yeah, baby. I’m clean.” Dean had gotten himself tested monthly before he met Cas. He was really somewhat obsessive about it, if he was being honest with himself. 

“Then, yeah,” Cas breathed out, staring into Dean’s eyes like they held the secrets of the universe. “Want it.”

Dean nodded his head jerkily, before moving his mouth back to Castiel’s neck, biting and sucking, leaving behind bruises that would last for weeks. He lined himself up before entering Cas slowly, inch by inch. Dean looked up at Cas’s scrunched up features, kissing him and hoping to ease the pain he knew would come no matter how many times they participated in this ultimate act of total surrender. 

After a few moments, Cas gave a sharp nod, accompanied by a roll of his lithe hips. Dean began thrust deeply, taking his time and simultaneously exploring Cas’s mouth with his tongue. After a few moments, one of Dean’s thrusts hit a place inside of Cas that made the blue-eyed boy let out a low moan of Dean’s name. Dean aimed for the same place again; hitting his target as Cas let out another, this time unintelligible, moan. At the encouragement, Dean increased his rhythm, managing to get even deeper into Castiel, who began lifting his hips in time with Dean to meet his thrusts. 

Dean let out a moan of Cas’s name, hitching one of Cas’s legs over his strong shoulder to get a better angle, causing Cas to groan impossibly louder. 

“Yeah, Cas, that’s it. Wanna hear you,” Dean encouraged as Cas began to whimper and moan his name, obviously reaching his peak. “So close, Cas. Want you to come with me.”

Castiel moaned again at Dean’s words, letting out a, “Yeah, Dean. With you, close.”

Dean gave a few more thrusts before he lost controlling, leaning up and whispering in Cas’s ear, “Come, baby,” before letting go himself. Dean snaked one hand up between Cas’s legs, pumping him in his hand as the orgasm shook through him, and continued thrusting, milking himself through his own climax. 

As the two boys came down from their respective highs, Dean pulled out of Cas and reached over to the nightstand. He procured some tissues, wiping Castiel’s stomach clean of come before throwing the tissue away and pealing back the sheets and duvet of their shared bed. Cas drifted off almost immediately, as Dean began to spoon him, leaving Dean to be lulled to sleep by his soft snores.


	16. There'll Be A Light In The Hall and A Key Under The Mat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from If You Ever Come Back by The Fray

“Assbutt,” Castiel groaned, staring at the, now useless, food left on the table from the night before.

“What the matter?” Dean asked, just coming down the stairs from his shower, but close enough to hear Castiel’s complaint. 

“You distracted me from my well prepared meal,” Cas pouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He expected Dean to laugh, kiss the frown off of his boyfriend’s face, maybe even wrap his arms around Cas from behind and lave his neck in attention, as he had done the previous night while Castiel had prepared the chicken they hadn’t so much as touched, now gone to waste. 

What he hadn’t expected was for a several looks to flit across Dean’s face, too fast for Cas to analyze, before settling on a deep frown, and the words “I’m sorry, Cas,” spoken as if Dean had just kicked a puppy. 

“Dean, it’s not that big of a deal,” Cas attempted to soothe, but Dean’s facial features remained set in self-disappointment. Castiel reached up to place one of his hands on Dean shoulder, using the other to tilt the Winchester’s chin up from his staring contest with the flooring. “Hey, it’s fine. I was just kidding around,” Cas tried to console his boyfriend, who only shrugged away from Castiel and turned away, pulling his hands through his short hair as if he were under a great deal of stress.

“It’s not that, Cas,” Dean whispered when he finally met Castiel’s baby blues once more.

“What is it, then?” Cas implored, searching Dean’s expression for any clue to what could be so terribly wrong, “What’s the matter, Dean? Tell me.”

“I,” Dean let the word hang in the air, scrubbing one calloused hand down his features. Cas felt his heart pounding away in his chest, seeing his worst nightmare come true before his eyes. “I have to leave, Cas.”

“Okay,” Castiel swallowed, coaching himself into taking deep breaths in and forcing them back out. “Okay. I promise I won’t stow away this time. I trust you,” Cas told his boyfriend, looking back up at Dean’s face from the mysterious stain on the ground his eyes had fallen to. Cas knew his hopes had been in vain when he spied the glassy greens of Dean’s eyes.

“Not on a hunt,” Dean whispered, not losing eye contact this time. Castiel felt his eyes fill with tears as a lump formed in his throat, and he knew he was mirroring his boyfriend now. If he was even still allowed to use that title.

“For how long?” Cas’s voice wobbled, only slightly louder than Dean’s whispering.

“Honestly?” Dean started before clenching his jaw, throat bobbing as he swallowed. “I’m not sure.”

Cas had been trying to put up a strong front, but at Dean’s words, he crumbled into himself. Tear began streaming steadily down Castiel’s cheeks as he fell onto the floor in a heap of sobs. Amidst the wordless cries were murmurs of ‘Why?’ and ‘What did I do?’.

“Oh, Cas,” Dean took the smaller boy into his arms as tears began to escape his eyes, as well. “I’m so sorry. I have to keep you safe.”

At the words, Cas’s head snapped up from it’s position at his knees to stare at Dean for a beat, before scrambling away from the Winchester, to where he could press his back against once of the lower cupboards in the kitchen. 

“Keep me safe?” Cas questioned rhetorically, “From _what_ , Dean?” he spat the phrase, and Dean flinched at the harsh tone, feeling as if the words were a slap in the face. 

“From-“

“ _No_ ,” Cas continued venomously, “having you _here_ is keeping me safe. You’re just being _selfish_ ,” Dean looked visibly sick at this point, and some horrible, sadistic part of Castiel rejoiced at the fact that Dean could feel the pain he was causing the other boy.

“How could you _say that_ to me, Cas? I gave up _everything_ to stay here with you,” anger overpowered the hurt in Dean’s voice, and Cas scoffed. “Castiel. I love you more than anything,” all of the fury had bled out of Dean’s voice at Cas’s name, and Dean took a deep breathe before continuing. “Which is why I have to leave.”

“Please,” Cas pleaded, shaking now, and Dean crawled across the kitchen floor to him on all fours. “Please don’t go. I can’t live without you.” Dean hushed him, bringing his hands up to wipe Castiel’s tears away. 

“ _Yes_ , you can. And you will,” Dean consoled, sniffing before standing up and offering Cas his hand. Castiel grabbed ahold of Dean’s palm and hoisted himself up with the assistance. Dean moved to the entranceway as soon as Cas was steadily on his feet, slipping his feet into his worn boots and sliding his arms into his jacket. 

“Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?” Cas pleaded again, sniffling. 

“I’m sorry, Cas,” A sad smile crawled onto Dean’s face as he spoke softly, “There’s not.” 

Dean opened the front door, and a shiver racked through him as a burst of cold air confronted him. Cas followed him out the door without closing it, bare feet padding along the concrete of the front steps. 

“I love you,” Cas murmured a final time, staring down at his uncovered toes. 

“I will always love you, Cas,” Dean said finally, before tilting Cas’s chin up and giving him one last kiss. 

“Will you ever come back?” Castiel asked, eyes pressed shut, as Dean pulled away and rested their foreheads together. 

“I will always come back to you, Castiel.” The whispered words trailed off into the Minnesota wind. “Goodbye.” Cas swallowed, keeping his eyes twisted closed until he heard the purr of the Impala’s engine fade into the distance.

Castiel was left standing at the bottom of his steps as the only thing he wanted in the world abandoned him. Cas touched the fingertips of his right hand to his lips, where Dean’s had been just moments prior, and fell to his knees. “Goodbye, Dean,” Cas whispered one final time, before letting himself sob into the cool spring air, tears stinging his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST OFFICIAL CHAPTER! What? It seems like this story has taken approximately ten years to write, and now all that's left of it is the Epilogue (which you can expect sooner than later). In light of that, I hope you've all enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!   
> For more of me;  
> You can find me on Tumblr as stressd-depressd-overdressd - my ask box is always open for requests!


	17. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd.. 1400 words of an epilogue to close it out! Thank you all for reading, commenting, and leaving Kudos! I hope you've all enjoyed reading this story, and feel free to leave fic requests or prompts in my Tumblr ask box (see end notes for more info on that)!

Castiel straightened his tie before putting on the gown he would wear to his high school graduation. He picked up his mortar board, and as Cas stared at the cap, his thoughts run rampant. He thought of the notecards the sat across the room on his bed, containing the speech he was required to give as Valedictorian of his class, and the only person he wished would be at the ceremony to hear it.

His thoughts lingered on the promise Dean had made the night he left. He could still hear Dean’s voice saying “I will always come back to you,” the words Castiel had held onto for so long. But they had been a lie. Cas texted Dean multiple times, begging him to come to Cas’s graduation. He had sent the date, the time. Even the address of the high school, just in case the Winchesters had forgotten or lost it. Dean hadn’t replied once.

Cas sighed and sat the cap atop his head, adjusting the tassel. It had been months since Dean left, claiming that he was keeping Cas “safe” by doing so. It had been a dark time for Cas. He didn’t know how much more heart ache he could take, and everyday was a struggle. Some weekends he would arrive home on a Friday night only to fall into bed, moving minimally until the next Monday morning rolled around. He had thought too often of ending it all, taking away the pain. The only thing that kept Castiel alive was the thought of Dean returning for him.

It had all been a day dream. Cas chuckled wetly, turning from the bathroom mirror and making his way to his room. He picked up the note cards from his neatly tucked bedspread and stared at the item of furniture, where he had spent too many nights tucked into Dean’s warm body. Castiel gulped at the memory, attempting to keep the tears at bay. 

A faux smile crawled onto Cas’s face before he began the descent downstairs so that his mother could take the first of the too many pictures that would be taken today. Mrs. Novak had taken the day off from work, an extremely rare occurrence, for the occasion. Cas blinked quickly and rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling, trying to rid himself of the water currently gathering in his tear ducts. 

“There’s my baby,” Castiel’s mother cooed as she entered from the kitchen, where she had been tinkering with the expensive camera she had bought earlier in the week.

Cas’s face reddened slightly as he let out a soft laugh, “Here I am, mom.”

“I was wondering if you’d ever emerge,” Mrs. Novak cocked an eye knowingly. When the only reaction she received was an aversion of eye contact from her son, she continued, “Cas,” in the motherly tone that could only be a prelude to ‘Who am I going to kill for hurting my baby?’. 

“I’m fine, Mom,” Cas lied, “really.”

“Whatever you say, love,” Castiel’s mother doted, sighing. “I just want today to be a good day for you, sweetheart.”

“It will be,” Cas answered.

**_*BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *_ **

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please,” the principal began. He welcomed the families and friends in the bleachers before officially introducing the graduating class. After he was finished, the Salutatorian, Charlie Bradbury, gave an address, as well as an alumni guest speaker. 

When it was time for Castiel to give his speech, he rose from his seat and calmly made his way to the podium, despite his rioting emotions. Happiness at his accomplishment, excitement as he would never have to walk the halls of this school as a student again, anxiety for the future, sadness that Dean wasn’t here to calm him and tell him everything would be fine. Cas arrived at his destination and cleared his throat nervously, fidgeting with his note cards, before beginning his speech.

“Uhm, hi, I guess?” Castiel huffed a laugh, “I’m not really sure how to begin. So I’ll just jump right in? Yeah,” Cas cleared his throat again, attempting to quell his nerves. He could do this. “This past year, I’ve experienced a lot,” Cas spoke, “Sadness. Doubt. Confusion. Happiness. Anger. Loss. But the strongest, out of everything I’ve been through this year, is true love.” Cas cut the end of his sentence of quickly to avoid broadcasting the break in his voice to the crowd of families and friends. 

“This love has taught me many things, especially about itself. Having it taught me what love truly is,” Castiel shuffled his cards, “Too many people think that love is perfect. Well, I hate to break it to you, but it’s not. Love is patience, love is comfort, and love is safety. But love is also disagreement, sadness, longing, and hurt. No love is perfect, for perfection is unachievable. But love, in it’s realest, truest form, is the only thing that can make you say to yourself, ‘you know what? I don’t need perfection’,” Cas tugged at his tie, loosening it slightly. 

“Love can be found in many places. In a job, in a partner, in a religion. However, no matter where you find it, love is a driving force. It makes waking up every day worthwhile. So today, friends, I want to wish you, in all of your endeavors, not success. Not wealth. But love. Because when you have love, everything else becomes irrelevant,” Cas pulled his cards from the podium and shoved them back into the pocket of his gown. “Thank you.”

Looking up for the first time since he began to speak, Cas’s eyes were drawn straight to the back of the gymnasium, where they connected with a pair of forrest green orbs.

**_*BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE * BE MY ESCAPE *_ **

The rest of the ceremony went smoothly. Castiel received his diploma with a smile on his face, and as soon as the closing procession had exited the gymnasium he began to search out the face he hoped wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. Before he could get very far in his search, though, he ran straight into a solid body, about the same height as him. 

“I’m so sorry. I was just..” Cas’s breath hitched as he recognized the figure stood before him. “Sam?”

“Cas,” for some reason unbeknownst to Castiel, Sam’s jaw was clenched tight and he appeared to be grinding his teeth. “How’ve you been? Dean’s been shitty.” Sam scowled, and Cas felt a whirl of emotion crash over him.

“And whose fault is that?” Cas spat back venomously. Sam opened his mouth to retort, but Castiel cut him off swiftly. “You know what?” Cas began coldly, “Dean’s the one who left _me_. He could’ve come back any time and I would’ve welcomed him with open arms. He knew that. So stop being upset with _me_ over something _he_ could’ve fixed if he really wanted to.”

Sam looked somewhat confused, and even angrier. “ _What?_ ” the boy growled quietly, “ _Dean_ left?” 

“That’s what I _just_ said,” Castiel replied, pieces falling into place in his mind. Sam’s anger with him suddenly made sense, if his theory was correct. “What did he tell _you_?”

“He said..” Sam trailed off, staring at something over Cas’s shoulder. “Never mind what he said, it’s not important.” his voice had lost it’s anger and he had an eyebrow cocked at whatever he was staring at, but Cas had more important things to worry about than that.

“What do you mean, it’s not _important_? Of course it’s-“ Cas cut himself off and quickly clenched and unclenched his jaw, rolling his shoulders backwards and plastering a smile onto his face as he turned to face the intruder. All facade fell away, tenseness in his posture dissipating as he took in the man standing before him.

“Hi, Cas,” Dean muttered, staring at his leather hunting boots and gently kicking at the ground with the toe of one boots before meeting Castiel’s eyes.

“Dean,” Cas choked out before throwing himself at the older Winchester brother as he began to tear up. “You came.”

“Of course I came, Cas,” Dean pulled back from the embrace, only to bring his large hands to frame Castiel’s face, one on each side. Cas leaned his head to the side for Dean to nuzzle into the space where his neck met his shoulder, and Dean obliged quickly. “I told you,” Dean whispered, “I’ll always come back for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all for reading, commenting, and leaving Kudos! 
> 
> Tumblr: stressd-depressd-overdressd.tumblr.com  
> Leave me requests, prompts, or just come say hello!


End file.
